The jokes
My friend dreamed of being a porno star.
He did it for 3 months and decided it was not for him.
The next job he got was pumping petrol. Halfway through filling up, he pulled the hose out and started spraying all over the car!
When I nailed the quiz, my teacher wasn't very happy. I wasn't either with all those paper cuts.
Oof.
What happens if you sit under a cow?
You get a pat on the head.
I fucked a chick named Macy, but she had dyslexia.
So I ended up doing the YMCA.
What happened when a hammer punished the nail?
He hit him.
Memes
Yo mama so stupid!
She bought a spoon... TO THE SUPERBOWL!
How do skeletons talk to each other? By the telebone.
Why did the sperm cross the road?
To fuck the chicken.
Wanna hear a skeleton joke?
Sorry, I don't have the guts to tell it.
What language do they speak in the middle of the earth?
CORE-ean
How do you stop a baby from crawling on the floor?
Nail one hand to the ground...
How do you stop it from crawling in circles? Nail the other hand to the floor.
When the emo kid looks at you and says, "Fuck you," run!
Skeletons love to be in band. They love the trombone!
They don’t have to invest a lot into the Stephen Hawking wax statue, though.
When you have a box of dead babies in your garage and one of them is alive at the bottom and has to eat its way out but goes back for seconds.
"Is Mrs. Wall here?"
"No."
"Is Mr. Wall here?"
"No."
"Then what is holding up the walls?"
You were born on the freeway, you know why?
Because that's where a lot of accidents happen. 😈
Your mama so fat, when she stepped on the scale, it said, "One at a time."
"The only way I'd want to be reincarnated is if I can be reincarnated as a man," said the young woman.
"Why?" said her friend.
"Oh, I don't know, just men are so cool,"
"Is that the only reason?" said her friend.
"Maybe........" said the young woman. "Maybe."
I made a website for orphans the other day... it doesn’t have a home page.