The jokes
What’s the hardest part about eating a vegetable in a wheelchair?
I don't know why my blind kid is crying, but I think it could be the tacks I put on the couch.
What's the definition of disappointment?
Running into a wall with a boner, but it only hits your nose.
Stephen Hawking walked to the shop.
I lied 😄
Why did Sally drown in the pool?
She didn't have any arms, remember!
What did the cheese say to itself in the mirror?
"Haloomi."
Two people about to have sex realize they have no lube.
In their desperate, horny haste, they looked for the nearest "Downy" and asked it, "Speak into my hand."
Upon their return to the bed, they regretted it immediately because his dick just stayed down...
Waking up is the second hardest thing in the morning.
I just watched a program about beavers.
It was the best dam program I’ve ever seen!
Why did the baseball player go to jail?
Because he stole first base.
What college do cows go to?
The Mooniversity.
Anyone know how to get an A on the "An Inspector Calls" section of the GCSE paper?
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Because chickens are mindless creatures and do not know any better.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To go to the bitch house.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
What did the trumpet say to Trump?
"Hi, fellow trumpet!"
Why did Stephen Hawking go to hell?
Because he couldn’t go up the stairs to heaven.
Why did the man fall off his bike?
Because someone threw a refrigerator at him.
Why couldn’t the bike stand up?
Because it was “two tired”!
What is the difference between a human and a tree and yyyyy night I can drive yyy earth 🌏?
Every time I go to the store I look in the deodorant section and my dyslexia acts up. Instead of "antiperspirant," I read "antidepressant." At least I get a bunch of extra snacks out of my shopping mistakes.