The jokes
Why does everybody like the sun? Because it's hot.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?
Because he didn't have the guts to do it.
What did the cow say to his relatives on Christmas day?
Moorry Christmas!
(Even though cows can't really have religions.)
What is the best Christmas present ever? A broken drum! You just can't beat it!
What do you call an angry reindeer? RUDE-olph!
What is Santa's favorite breakfast? Snowflakes!
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsel-itis!
Your mama so old, her first Christmas was the first Christmas!
How did the orphan die?
Of sadness.
Where do you think all the orphans went?
In the World Trade Center, I trapped them in so they can finally get to their parents.
Why do orphans get the small sized chip bags?
Because they donโt have a family to share it with. ๐ฅ
Why did the orphan go to church?
So he gets to call someone father.
Stephen Hawking listens to the song "I Am Still Standing" and cries to himself.
What are the last two words you say after sex before going to sleep?
"Goodnight, Mom!"
My grandpa died in 9/11.
He was the best pilot.
Stolen dad jokes: "I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered."
What is the worst thing about your birthday being on September 11?
Party crashers.
In a deep village in Germany, an old man asked his granddaughter, "What are you doing?"
His granddaughter replies, "Removing Polish with chemicals."
Grandpa said, "When I was young, I did the same."
One day I went to my friend's apartment, and he told me to make myself at home.
I threw him out of the window. I hate having visitors!
My priest asked if anyone had any questions or anything interesting they wanted to say.
So I raised my hand, he said why donโt you tell everyone what you have to say.
In front of the whole church I said I did not know Jesus Christ was the first scarecrow.
What do you call two old men drooling in their wheelchairs?
The 2028 US election.
I just watched a documentary about beavers.
It was the best dam show I ever saw!
What did the Americans call the Battle of Midway after Pearl Harbor?
The Jap trap.