The jokes
What did Shrek say to the princess? “I love walls!”
This isn't a joke, I repeat, this is not a joke. The plane in Lake Harriet is not in the lake. It is invisible because of the satellite pic, so there's no plane in Lake Harriet.
The emo kid wanted a high five. I left him hanging, so did the tree.
Why did the sun not go to college? Because it already has a million degrees!
B b b b bird bird bird, the bird banged your mom!
Memes
What's the difference between a woman and a freezer?
A freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
What's the most difficult thing about being a pediatric surgeon?
Keeping the scalpel steady while masturbating.
Why did the knights laugh when they run?
The grass tickled their balls. 😅😂🤣
Why do the orphans not play baseball?
They can never find home.
When the school shooter starts doing Fortnite dances and the autistic kid joins in.
An LDS preacher knocks on the door with a chalice of wine offering to do the sacrament.
The person living there points and says, "Begone, foul blood-drinker!"
And promptly the preacher bursts into flames, leaving nothing but ash.
What happens when Helen Keller picks her nose?
She slurs her words...
The moment when you're too depressed to fantasize about death--it's so tiring.
I was stark nude. Hehe, I was. I truly and sincerely was.
The nurses giggled and said, "Joseph, why the hell is your wiener so loving?"
My penis purred and stroked their hands. I laughed and said, "I do not know."
Hey, I just wanna be in bed. I just wanna stay ahead. I just feel like I am dead, And I like that color red. Hey, I am not the big fat loser, And you're just a big accuser, You user and excuser.
Say this to you sister, toxic BF, anyone :)
You are so fat you tried to eat the word "edible."
Deku: Hey, Todoroki?
Shoto: Wht?
Deku: I just found out on the news that your dad froze to death. Do you know who did it?
Shoto: :)
Roses are red,
my life is a disaster,
the children are fast,
but the combine is F A S T E R!
Man: Okay, tell me a joke without the expense of anyone's feelings.
Me: Okay, so an Asian...
Yo mama, why do you have to jump in the pool as soon as I can find the water on Mario? I mean, Mario jump to Mars!