The jokes

What’s the difference between your mum and your nan?

Your nan's a GILF!

What is the difference between you and my dad?

Nothing.

My daughter is super smart! She pours her own drinks on the floor.

Why do tables never need wheelchairs?

Because even without the ‘t’ they are still able.

A blind man walks into a bar and starts to swing his guide dog around his head. The bartender asks him nervously, "Are you okay?" The blind man replies, "Yeah, I’m just looking around!"

Scientist time travels into the year 2024.

Scientist: So, what happened with the storming of Area 51?

Pedestrian: Oh, you mean The 51 Massacre?

Why are the best used guns from France?

Because they have never been fired and they have only been dropped once.

Pass around the roses, their casket full of hoses, crash it, watch it, the water! OH SHIT IT'S GONNA BLOW!

I don't understand why people hide under their blankets. It's not like the killer's gonna be like, "I'm gonna kill-....ahh man he's under his blanket."

You really can't call Stalin bad, just think about the kids that depression.

Pickup line: Are you the internet? 'Cause I feel a connection.

Who's the smallest wife??

Micro-wife.

What do pedophiles do when they wake up?

Turn on the child safety lock on the car.

Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage.

Lettuce pray.

Why do they call matches, matches?

They all look the same.

What's the difference between Elton John and rapboat?

Elton is talented, rich, and openly gay. Rapboat got fuck all talent, no money, and is not out of the closet yet.

I have some black friends who hate it when I say the N-word around them, so I got a pet monkey.

Yo mama is so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.

Why does Ezra Miller’s Flash run in a straight line in The Flash movie? Bro ain’t straight.

Let's play twin towers, your thighs are the towers and my penis is the plane, coming in between.