The jokes
Why’d the chicken cross the road?
To get choked and stroked by Mr. Big Bloke!
“We’ll choke and stroke, it ain’t no joke!”
I made a joke about putting babies in the microwave and got told I was a disgusting person.
So from now on I’ll only make baby in the deep fryer jokes.
Why did he go to the chiropractors?
To get his spine fixed.
Thomas Jefferson’s 80th b-day bash be like:
Jackson: "CALHOUN! YOU’RE CHEATING ON ME - IN BED WITH THE CONSTITUTION??"
I had to go to my friend's house.
I went in her basement and I saw taped mouths that are KIDS in the basement... Is my friend OK???
Memes
Who are the fastest readers?
9/11 victims, they went through 91 stories in 11.2 seconds.
What’s the favorite song of someone with an Oedipus Complex?
“My Mommy Comes Back”
The reason why orphans can't play baseball is because they can't find home.
What goes oOoOo on your breath that scared away the animals from the farm?
Why did the teacher yell at the orphan?
Because he didn’t do his homework.
Why was the orphan eating cereal with water? Because he has no dad to bring him milk.
My Crandall just be smashing more than you ON DA GIRLS, and he was slapping your girl last night harder than WILL at the OSCARS! ;)
I met a gay guy last night.
Man, was he a pain in the ass.
What did one candle say to the other?
"Want to go out tonight?"
Why was the chicken screaming?
He had an egg stuck in his butt.
My mom bought me a car, and she called me an ungrateful b*tch because I sat in my wheelchair the whole time.
Man, my brother has a tight, buttered butthole. The veins in my cock throb when he comes over!
Your hairline and my car go Lighting McQueen speed because he never came back with the milk.
I have a better version of this joke.
How to make a plumber cry: Simple, kill his family. That’ll definitely turn on the waterworks.
What did the evil chicken lay? Deviled eggs! Get it guys? "Devil-ed" eggs! 😆