The jokes

"Welcome to the gulag."

Your momma's so fat, she had to take a selfie using the Hubble telescope.

"Death to the west!"

My mom once ate a full giant cheesecake, and we were walking to our flight back home, and she had to sh*t.

We were walking to the bathroom, and she full on [did it] in front of the carousel. She had a lump of poo in her pants... True story, haha!

Hope the towers are doing well this morning, and I'll get back to you!

Why was an orphan loving school?

Because the people actually came back.

The West is dying...just like the romance of an empire, especially the western part of the empire. Funny that, 'cause the East was going strong.

I've recently been treated with Asthma and have been prescribed penicillin. One day I was taking it and a man screaming "SUIII" came into the room and stole it! He thought the penicillin would give him penalties. I couldn't breathe, shame on you Penaldo for ruining my life!

Yo mama is so ugly, when she looked at the mirror, I cracked up.

Yo mama's so fat, she's both in the Atlantic and Pacific ocean.

The department of touch yourself is coming to the UK near you. I hope Scotland gets freedom. I can't wait to leave England and live in Scotland.

Son: Dad, if I told you I was gay, would you still love me?

Dad: Don’t be silly son, you were an accident. I never loved you in the first place.

What makes laissez-faire and a gangbang the same?

Not my problem.

As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way.

Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice.

Why does the singer put a radio in her fridge?

Because she can listen to call music.

Q: What did the ocean say to the boy?

A: Nothing! Oceans don't talk, silly!

What is the difference between a detective company and a man with eyes on his butt?

One has a private eye, and the other has eyed privates.

Fineman, Einstein, and Schrodinger walked into a bar.

Fineman says, "It appears we're inside a joke."

Einstein says, "But only to an observer who saw us walk in simultaneously."

To which Schrodinger says, "If someone's looking through the window, I'm leaving!"

Guys, I'm back...

Here's my joke:

What is blue and red all over?

Blood in the water of a shark attack victim.

What store is the most public?

Publix!