The jokes

What does one emo kid say to the other?

"I like your cuts, G."

What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? "I want you inside me."

Do you know why the cake doesn't ever fight anyone?

He says, "Take a peace of that!" while entering a fight.

Why can't the orphan run past third base?

'Cause the orphan doesn't have a home to run to.

Why did the orphan have to go to public school? He could not be home-schooled.

Some guy asked me, "Are you better than my meat?" I said, "No, I'm not better, I just beat it all the time."

I asked a man if I was the fastest gun in the west. He said my 17 wasn't good enough. After that, a lot of lead went into his head.

I was digging outside and I found my child's old toy, so I ran to find him, but I could not find him, so I was searching for about 6 hours, but then I remembered why I was digging......

Jim was caught beating a man up. Brooklyn took a picture of his license plate with her phone and told him, "Your life is ruined!" So Jim took a picture of her, and the next thing you know, he said, "Now my phone is ruined!"

The only joke my dad ever made was me.

I'll never forget my grampa's last words, "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"

What did the Queen Bee of Destiny's Child say?

"I'm so crazy in love..."

Women be like chivalry is dead, then don't say thank you when you open the door for them.

Why do orphans hate the letter FMD? Because F stands for "family," M stands for "mom," and D stands for "dad."

I was in Afghanistan and I had been captured by the Taliban. I was going to get the death penalty.

Suddenly a man came out of nowhere and offered to take the penalty. It was my idolo Penaldo. He missed the penalty. Now I will die. Shame on u Penaldo!

Why are basketball courts slippery?

Because the players dribble on it.

My grandpa was the best soldier ever. He gunned down over 100 soldiers in his bunker during D-Day.

Yo, dad is so stupid, he brought the milk after two years, and he said, "Oh, sorry son. I'm going back to the store. Bye."

Two air vents walked into a bar.

The third one ducted.

Yo mama's so fat, Darth Vader wanted her to be the Death Star!