The jokes
A: What's the difference between a toilet and a washing basin?
B: I don't know.
A: Then I guess your house looks beautiful...
B: ...
Did you hear about the fish and chips? The fish got battered, the chips got salted.
What's the difference between crazy people and regular people?
We don't live in their heads.
Jack and Rose went on a cruise to do it in the water.
Jack seldom wore a condom, and now they have a daughter.
There was a fire at my high school when I was in Year 7.
When the local newspaper interviewed my teacher, they asked her how she was seeing the "bright side" of it.
She said, "Well, at least our new students got a warm welcome!"
54 students died that day.
What did the boy say to his brother at chemistry class?
"Hey BrO!"
What did the cow say to the other cow?
Moo you fine.
The 1645 service has been cancelled and has been replaced by a replacement bus service.
EasyJet would like to apologise to all of those who are travelling to Greece.
Yo mama is so ugly, she makes the Flash stop dead in his tracks.
What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple?
An apple actually gets picked.
What did the drummer call his twin daughters?
Anna one, Anna two!
One day I asked my mom where kids came from. She said the man who went to the milk store.
Five years later, he came back and left again.
A teacher says to her class one day, "Whoever answers my next question can go home."
A boy throws his bag out the window.
The teacher asks, "Who just threw that?"
The boy says, "Me! I’m going home now."
Mom: I'm going to the shop. If someone is at the door, don't open it.
Me: Ok.
*Ring*
Me: Opens the door.
Oh sh*t!
Mom: Gets flip flop.
Whoever put an "s" in the word "lisp" was a jackass!
What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?
Kids won't eat the broccoli.
What's the difference between a pizza and a guy you really hate?
One won't scream when you remove their meat.
Did you hear about the nasty tuna fish?
He was rotten to the albacore.
Why didn’t the toilet cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack!
While I was walking on the road, a cat crossed my road, and 5 min later I found it fell in the gutter.