The jokes
Family all eating at the table.
Brother: "Hmm, I think I feel gold."
Sister: "Stop the cap."
Brother looks under the table and says, "Nope, just a gold digger."
Dad laughed.
Stepmom storms out of the room.
Why did the orphan scream "wolf"? Because people actually came back.
What do sloths and depressed people have in common?
They both hang from the tree.
How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?
You nail its other hand to the floor.
Why did the emo step in front of a car? To get to the other side.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't run home.
Do you know when the thing of you when the was is where you and if you when you where if I and you where in the thing is where yes?
What did the frog order?
A diet Croak!
Give a man a potato, he is full for a day.
Give a man a poisoned potato, he'll be full for the rest of his life.
In this modern age, I feel as though it's inappropriate to make jokes about herbs and fish.
It's not the thyme or the plaice for it.
And Sterling has taken a dive.
That's all for financial news, back to the football.
I was Gandalf the Grey.
But now, after just three washes...
I would like to tell you the name of a song I showed my friend who was on LSD. "I See a Dreamer."
"Abracadabra! Alacuzam! See that woman? She’s now a man."
"After the man got some sun, I turned this banana into a gun! Now look! I now have your phone, Apple Watch, and your credit card!"
Guys, put more comments in.
We are so close to beating the world record for most comments on this website, and the record is 171.
Where do smart hotdogs end up?
On the honor roll!
Julie: What's the difference between a chimp and a pizza?
John: I don't know.
Julie: Remind me not to send you to the store...
None of these jokes are close to funny! Btw, who the hell is Gwen?
I got banned from the library because I put the woman's rights book in the fiction section.
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples get picked.