The Masses jokes

A sign that broadcast television has less impact on the masses: The force-feeding of Kelly Clarkson on network television has yet to impact the large stacks of Kelly Clarkson CDs collecting dust in Goodwill, right next to those James Last LPs.

A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes, my friend died there. She said I’m so sorry. I said yeah, I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that, he just found out his sister was cheating on him.

The little girl's dad was Jewish and her mom was Catholic. Mom had been taking the little girl to church every Sunday.

One Sunday, during High Mass, the little girl whispers to her mom, “Mom, can we go home now?”

“No honey, not yet,” replied the mother, “the Mass is only half over.”

“Then we can go now, Mom. I'm half Jewish.”

Little Jimmy has 5 red apples. His dad's car will arrive in 20 minutes. Calculate the mass of the Sun.

2+2+67+23= Now calculate the mass of the Solar system. Be these questions these days.

Timmy has 5 apples.

His train is 7 minutes early.

Calculate the mass of the sun.

Surveys say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. That means the 5th one likes it.

I know five fat people, and you're three of them.

Yo mama is so fat, she has her own personal gravity.

What is big, annoying, and full of blubber?

90% of America's population.

Just because she weighed as much as two women... Doesn't mean you had a threesome.