Do you know that “I’m sorry” and “I apologize” usually mean the same thing?
Except at a funeral.
What's a joke that an orphan has never heard before?
A dad joke.
What did the blind kid say after touching the emo kid’s hand?
“I ain’t reading all that.”
Your mother is so fat that her BMI (Body Mass Index) exceeds 40, therefore classifying her as morbidly obese.
A couple is on their first date.
Man: How do you feel about sex?
Woman: I like it infrequently.
Man: I see. Is that one word or two?
An old professor’s class used to begin with a dirty joke.
Following one particularly vulgar joke, the girls in the class decided to walk out the next time he began.
When the professor learned of this planned protest, he came in the next morning and said, “Good morning, class. Did you hear about the scarcity of whores in Newfoundland?”
With that, all the women stood up and headed for the door.
“Wait, ladies,” called the professor, “The boat doesn’t leave until tomorrow!”
Your mama is so skinny that when she went to go outside, the slightest breeze flew her all the way to New Mexico.
Your mum so fat that when she sat down she said, "Why are there so many people under me?"
I've thought about suicide, but there's always been a part of me that knows I wouldn't be able to live with the decision.
Me: *posts random joke about a duck*
That one guy in the comment section for no reason: "Shut the f*uck up you dumb b*tch you are a piece of sh*t you..."
That other guy in the comment section: "That’s actually offensive to ducks."
Bro it’s a joke...
Yo mama so fat that when she gets in the truck, it breaks.
Yo mama so fat that you need a jack stand to get her up.
Your mom is so fat that she cannot look at her feet when taking a shower.
Your mom is so fat that she only knows three letters, which are "KFC."
Your mom is so fat that she thought Eminem is a candy.
Brrr, it's fucking cold outside, aye? What do you guys want for Christmas? A sweet video game? Maybe a cool action figure? Oh, how about the latest phone!
Who me? Oh, I guess... I wish snow could melt as fast as the snowflakes that downvote good jokes! Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals!
Yo mama is so ugly that the Grinch fell out when he saw her!
Yo mama is so ugly that when Santa came to the house and saw a picture of her, he died.
What did one man say to his friend who had a receding hairline?
He said, “Hey, friend, I can see that your head definitely has a brighter future than mine.”
Yo hairline so far back that you need a magnifying glass to see it.
