New Tell Jokes - Page 43 - Worst Jokes Ever

I tell orphan jokes like there ain’t no parents around

So, one day I was walking home from school with my best friend, Sally. She was worried to get home because she was going to tell her mom that Bob, the class rep, got her pregnant eight months ago, and now it was obvious she was pregnant. So I said, “Sally, it’ll be okay, I’m sure she’ll be happy to get a grandson.” “Yeah, thanks, Suzy,” she said to me, then went into her house.

The next few weeks she didn’t show up to school, so I was like, oh, she must be in trouble with her mom. I’ll go check on her.

So I walk up to her house and her mom answers with a baby boy in her hands. “Oh, hello. Is that Sally’s son?!! Can I see Sally?” Her mom says sure, and I go inside, but she leads me to the backyard and I see a tombstone. “Here lies Sally 2004-2020.” So I ask her mom in tears, “Oh, did she not make it through the birth?” And her mom replied, “You could say that...”

Woman: What’s a good comeback for my sexist husband when he tells me to go make him a sandwich?

Husband: I know! How about you COMEBACK with a goddamn sandwich?

i will tell you a joke-your life

Mother: We need to talk about sex... Jason: oh, sex, tell me what do you wanna know.

Jason had a big whoopin' from his mother and big spankin' from his dad.

How can you tell a bow n' arrows scared? He starts to quiver! ;)

aight imma make like a tree and leaf

*****u have to leave right after u tell this joke****

Roses are not always red, Violets are violet, not blue. Irises are never red, Petunias can be kinda blue. What does this tell us 'cept you can't trust a poet to tell the truth.

Of a midget walks up to you and tells you your hair smells nice, is that sexual harassment....

whats the definition of rude ?

sticking a blind man in a corner and telling him to find his wife

The next sentence is telling the truth. The previous sentence is telling a lie.

Guess what? If your mom ever wants to have sex with you, tell her to make another.

What do you call a dog 🐶 that tells time?

A watchdog.

I was going to tell a joke about babys but i decided to abort

(I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes) 1. What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick

2. I was going to tell a dead baby joke. But I decided to abort.

3. Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead.

4.Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? They're painful to look at.

5. Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is.

6. Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

7. I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.

8. My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

My dad...came over late at night...he was drunk...he started telling me how useless I was...then I went to the kitchen grabbed a knife and stabbed him in the chest 47 times......3 minutes later......he died........now I’m losing mind..and cutting myself....