Stone jokes

Hi stone, I'm watching.

These three men wanted to start a band. One had the idea to call them the Rolling Stones, one wanted to call them the Veggies, the other said, "Let's be the Cripples," as they all rolled away.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but a crowbar could do it so much quicker.

Beneath this monumental stone Lise, 80 pounds of skin and bone.

Medusa makes men hard.

Chuck Norris and Medusa had a staring contest. Medusa turned to stone.

I decided to visit Saudi Arabia with my girlfriend.

She and I learned they celebrate Pride month by throwing stones.

My neighbor is in the Guinness World Records.

He has had 44 concussions. He lives very close to me.

A stone’s throw away, in fact.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but there will always be something that offends feminists.

You should never try Afghan weed because people in Afghanistan get stoned to death.

Muslims don't need weed, they've got the Koran.

You burn that sh*t and you're gonna get stoned.

Congratulations to Avicii for passing his 3-day milestone of sobriety!

What’s Stephen Hawking’s favorite band? The Rolling Stones.

What was on Stephen Hawking's gravestone? "Intel inside."

Derrick and Clive. They have a song about a Dad with cancer and other extremely offensive subjects in a routine called "The Non-Stop Dancer." It is very funny, but it is made even funnier by Dudley Moore's drunken and stoned laughter through the song.

One of the best routines ever. Look it up on YouTube. They recorded them in the studio, but they are ad-libbing and extremely drunk.

What do you call a couple Mexicans getting stoned in a bush? Buches baked breans.

Yo mama so ugly that she turned Medusa to stone.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

What is the difference between American teenage girls and Muslim teenage girls? -- American teenage girls get stoned *before* they have sex.

What do Colorado and Saudi Arabia have in common?

It's legal to get stoned.