Stand up jokes

Why did orphans have to drink their own piss?

Because last time they went to the bar, they went with their dad and drank some Corona, then got drunk and started eating someone's toenails, so his dad went to go get the milk and everybody had to evacuate the bar. Then the orphan started walking on his teeth and got listed for the top ten wanted animals in the world, so then he felt wanted and went to go home and had nobody to go to, so he found the beer bottle he drunk out of and started pissing in it so he wouldn't die and loved it. So then someone saw him in the bushes pissing in a beer bottle then drinking, so the person who saw him started recording and posted it on YouTube, and the boy became famous, so now he can feel like he was wanted in life after daddy went to go get the milk, then the little boy became really rich.

My friend was on a wheelchair... he committed suicide yesterday. I remember when I met him last time, he told us a good joke and I appreciated him and told him to become a stand-up comedian.

I would tell a Koby joke...

But it would just crash and burn.

No offense to anyone though. I don’t understand why everyone is bullying a person named Gwen?

My opinion is well “it’s just a regular person wanting to do jokes. You never know. It could be an adult or a kid.”

So leave her alone. Thank you. 😁

I stole a wheelchair from a disabled kid. What is he going to do, stand up?

Gwen just wanted to help you with the bullying.

Tip 1. Ignore them; bullies are really just cowards.

Tip 2. Stand up for yourself; it's ok for people to also help you, but you do the same for yourself!

Tip 3. Just let them be; they're just stupid!

Love you-Iariah

This is our motto- "Never fear orphans! You are even more special than diamonds."

Orphan club for ppl who stand up for orphans!

What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and Rocket League? You can't stand up.

Why didn't Trump help someone who can't walk?

He thinks she should stand up for herself.

Gwen, are you dead????? If not, I am Alya. Thanks for always standing up for me!!!!!!!!!!!

A disabled man stands up.

A blind man says, "You can stand?"

A deaf man says, "You can see?"

A mute person says, "You can hear?"

The disabled man says, "You can talk!"

Doctor: "What the actual f**k"

Once I was in South Korea doing stand up comedy... and I started with a "hidden" joke and I said: "I'm so happy to be here in one of the most beautiful Korea's in the world..." which is a good joke but they didn't get it, and they looked at me badly... so I said "I'm here in the South which is more beautiful... South good, North booooooo." But still nothing, they kept glaring at me... then I realized that maybe I was in the wrong Korea.

My girlfriend dumped me today. Apparently, I don't stand up for her in fights. I don't care. She used to push me around all the time.

I see, you guys jokers are SANS-ational!

What can a dwarf do standing up that a tall person can't do standing up?

Perform fellatio.

What couldn’t the boy in the wheelchair do when he saw a bully? He couldn’t stand up for himself.

Why do people in a wheelchair make bad jokes? Because they are bad at stand-up.

If the teacher tells you to stand up if you're not gay and there's that one kid in the wheelchair.

I bullied a handicap today.

What is he gonna do? Stand up for himself?

What do you call the worst joke ever?

Well, according to my mom, I am.