Soup jokes
Did you hear about the new Oasis restaurant?
Every time you order soup, you got a roll with it.
What do you call a load of retards in a swimming pool?
Vegetable soup.
What do you call a pool full of disabled people?
Vegetable soup.
Why did Bella Thorne pass gas on "Shake It Up Chicago?" Because I gave her too split pea soup for breakfast.
The very young and pretty nun was walking home from the soup kitchen when a homeless man dragged her into the woods and had his way with her.
When he was done, he asked her what she would tell the Mother Superior when she got back to the convent. She calmly said that she would tell her the truth.
She said: "I will tell her that I was on my way home when the most disgusting, repulsive, and abhorrent man dragged me into the woods and had his way with me... twice; that is if you are not too tired."
What do you call a gay retard? Fruit and vegetable soup.
When I found out that 10 billion bowls of soup are consumed each year in AMERICA, I thought to myself, "I thought soup was healthy. Apparently not!"
How can you tell when a cabbage is boiled?
The wheelchair floats to the top.
A guy walks into a restaurant and orders turtle soup. The waiter hollers, "One turtle soup!"
A moment later, the guy calls the waiter over and says, "I’ve changed my mind, I would like pea soup." The waiter hollers, "Hold the turtle, and make it pea!"
Daddy, why is this red soup so sweet?
Because your mother has diabetes.
What do you call a flooded hospital?
Vegetable soup.
What's the difference between Clark Kent and chicken noodle?
One is Super. The other is just soup.
1 like = 1 fetus donated to the soup kitchen.
My friend's name is Campbell, so she must love soup.
A husband and wife at custody court. The judge looks sternly at the ex-wife.
Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child?"
Ex-wife: "I brought him into this world, so I should have custody of him."
Judge: "That is a simple yet good reason."
Then the judge looks toward the ex-husband.
Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child, sir?"
The ex-husband thought long and hard about his response. After a brief moment of silence, he replies, "If I put money into a Pepsi machine and a Pepsi comes out, is it mine or the machine's?"
Why is vegetable soup hard to cook? Because you can't fit the wheelchair in!
I don't like marriage. It's just like soup, as soon as you're done spooning it, it all cools off.
I was thrown out of the charity food kitchen on my first night of volunteering.
All I said was, "Hurry up, some of us got homes to go to..."
What’s the hardest part about making vegetable soup?
To put the wheelchair in the pot.
I was making vegetable soup yesterday, but the wheelchair wouldn’t fit.
