Sound

Sound Jokes

It is interesting how different nations have their dogs make different sounds.

An American dog goes Woof, a Czech dog goes Haf, a Dutch dog goes Blaf and a Chinese dog goes Sizzle.

0

There are three men walking down the road and they come across a farm that is for sale. The three men look at each other and put all their money together to buy the farm. On that farm there is a cow a monkey and a bunch of cow food. The men are out of money and the farm is going out of business. One of the men's sees that there is a contest for the biggest cow in the county. They entered the contest but it's so thin. Every time they tried to feed the cattle it would poop and lose weight again, so one of them in suggested that they put a cork up the cows behind. The first guy says okay then go put a cork there. I don't want to do it you do it no you do it. The third guy says let's just get the monkey to do it. And the monkey puts the cork in the couch behind. They win the biggest cow contest and get the money they need to save the farm. The second guy realizes that they need to take the cork out of cow. Guys we need to take the cork out of the cow he says. Well I'm not going to do it you do it, no you do it. The third guy says let's just get the monkey to do it again. So the monkey uncorks a cow. And there was a huge explosion.... a few days later the three men wake up in the hospital. The doctor walks up to the first man what happened he asks the first man replies all I remember is that a horrible sound. The doctor walks up to the second man and asks what happened. All I remember is that horrible smell.... The doctor walks up to the third man and again ask the same question. The third man looks at him and says all I remember is that poor poor monkey trying to put the cork back in.

4

Using modern day technology you can produce music with a Tesla coil. I dont know if you heard it but it is quite shocking and even electrifying. I cant tell if it is metal or techno but it is more vaulable then joules. It really amps up your blood pressure and has you saying watt the whole time. It is way better than current music.

When you are suicidal comedic relief sometimes helps. These jokes sometimes help you realize how many more people feel the way you do and how ridiculous it sounds sometimes.

But joke time....

I’m giving in my two week resignation to life... it’s not you ... it’s me!!!

So Jesus has been nailed to the cross. On the first day, he starts to moan, "Peter, Peter".

Well, Peter hears Jesus moaning and feels it is important, so begins to go up the hill. On his way, he is met by some Roman soldiers and they proceed to beat his ass back down the hill.

On the second day, Peter hears Jesus moaning again, "Peter, Peter".

Peter thinks to himself, this is important. He heads up the hill, fights past the first line, but gets a beatdown by the second group and back down the hill he goes.

On the third day, Peter is woken up by Jesus sounding very weak, but calling out, "Peter, Peter".

Peter feels that whatever it is that Jesus needs him for, must be very important. Peter heads up the hill, he is on a mission. He manages to fight his way thru three sets of Roman guards and make his way to the cross Jesus has been nailed to for three days. He looks up to Jesus, and says "Jesus, I have heard your calls, what is so important"?

Jesus- "Peter, I can see your house from here".

4

A bicurious man goes to a gar bar A gay man offers him a drink The bi man explains he doesnt know if hes gay or not Thats fine he says lets just have a drink The gay man asks him for a dance and he explains again he isnt sure if hes gay or not. Eventually the gay man invites him to go home with him to hang out as friends. They get to his house and the gay man says, do you fancy having sex? He isnt sure so the gay man explains ill push in slow and at any point you want to stop make animal sounds and if you like it starr singing.so they get to it and the gay man pushs in slowly, the bi man bursts out "MOOOOO MOOOOO MOOOOOOVVVEE CCLOSSEEERRRR

How do chinese people name there children? They thro pots and pans down the stairs and listen for the sounds, Ching Chong Chang.

5

Sun: Hi, I am the sun! I want to warm you up...... Human: :D Sun: I want to BuRn you......... Human: ....... Sun: I want to...... KILL...... you..... Human: I should be going now Sun: LET ME KILL YOU Human: *Screams his last sound*

0

What is the difference between a frog and a horny toad? One says “Ribbit, Ribbit” and the other says “Rub it, Rub it”.

I bought a wooden whistle. But it wooden whistle. so I bought a steel whistle. But it steel wooden whistle. So I bought a lead whistle. But it steel wooden lead me whistle.