SOS jokes

There was a boy named Sammy, and he was deeply in love with a girl named Rayne. But she didn’t notice him or talk to him. But one day, she did, and they end up liking each other and getting married and lived happil- wait no, that’s not right. Sammy snuck in Rayne’s house at night and kidnapped her, locked her in his basement, and turned her into a puppet so she'd be with him forever and ever. The End.

My friend made this joke (so I’m going steal it). I’m surrounded by fat people, oh wait... it’s just one.

Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued; your blood was delectable, and so was the rest of you.

Three guys are on a plane: one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American. The pilot says, "There is too much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off." So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said, "I have plenty of these where I come from." Then the Asian threw out some rice and said, "I have plenty of these in my country." The American threw out a bomb and said, "I have a lot of these in my country."

The plane crashes anyway, and the three men start to walk away from the crash. As they were walking, they found a boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of burritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy." The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of rice fell out of the sky and shredded all my clothes." The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble. They kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny. The boy said, "MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!"

Why do so many people get charged with rape? Because they are too stupid to finish her off and bury the body.

Two cannibals have just captured a man and are about to eat him, so they cook him and lay him on a table. The first cannibal says, "You start at the bottom, I start at the top," so they both chow down.

About half an hour later, the second cannibal says, "I'm having a ball!" Then the first cannibal says, "Then you're eating too fast!"

The cemetery is so crowded, people are just dying to get in.

So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.

When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"

He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."

Why do orphans kill people so they can finally be wanted?

Your mama is so ugly, she tried summoning Candyman, but he refused to come!

Your hair is so far back, you left it at your last address.

Your mom is so fat when you printed the picture, it would not stop printing! 😂🤣

Your teeth are so yellow they slow down traffic.

Your hairline is so far gone that it looks like someone dropped a nuclear bomb on it.

John and Chloe are in school arguing about who has the more heroic grandfather.

Chloe says, "My grandfather killed 50 Nazis, he's so heroic!"

John says, "So what? My grandfather KILLED Hitler!"

"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.

Yo mama is so ugly that your dad has to be drunk to bring her home.

Yo mama is so fat that when she fell, I didn't laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

Alabama gene pools are so shallow, when they freeze over, it's just snow.

Joe mama so fat, hello kitty said goodbye.