SOS Jokes

You are so ugly Santa goes "ho ho ho holy sh*t."

Yo mama is so ugly that Satan started going to church!

Why is Santa so happy? He knows where all the naughty girls and ho ho hos live.

Yo mama so fat, she called Dr. Seuss and he couldn’t even rhyme back.

Your mom is so ugly her face would split in half when she sees you.

So true

A two-panel image from the movie Bee Movie shows a woman saying "I'm helping him sue the human race". The second panel shows the reaction of the man she is talking to. Below is a comment that says: "He was honestly the only normal character in the whole movie."

Gwen, please just come back. I love you and I miss you so much!

Yo mama so fat, a bus ran into her and she said, "WHO THREW THAT TWINKIE AT ME?!"

Yo momma so fat she died at 5. Her kids, f

* * *

Don't y'all just hate when something funny to you happens and then you just have to be quiet so you don't look like a villain?

My friend is so ugly, she got surgery twice, but not even that could fix her.

Yo mama's so fat, she thinks the buffet is the starter plate.

Every time my grandmother and I were at a wedding, she’d say: “you’re next.” So I started saying the same thing to her at funerals.

Here's a tip for cow tipping from TheRussianBadger.

"So if you see Otis from Barnyard, make sure you blast his ass from a distance!"

I slit my wrist and said, "THAT'S A LOT OF DAMAGE!" So I did it again, but with a knife and said, "NOW *THAT'S* A LOT OF DAMAGE!" I then put watertight Flex Seal on the wound, and it didn't seal.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

So it could get to the other side!

My life is so meaningless that I committed a crime just to get shot. 0-0

This is not a joke; this is just about death...

My mom ate my food, so I ate her pet hamster.

So I went to a church the other day and I asked my friend, "Is that painting of Jesus and is it through the wall with one with three nails?" Oh wait, I wasn’t even Jesus, he’s not doing the T post that he invented.