SOS jokes

Don't y'all just hate when something funny to you happens and then you just have to be quiet so you don't look like a villain?

My friend is so ugly, she got surgery twice, but not even that could fix her.

Yo mama's so fat, she thinks the buffet is the starter plate.

Every time my grandmother and I were at a wedding, she’d say: “you’re next.” So I started saying the same thing to her at funerals.

Here's a tip for cow tipping from TheRussianBadger.

"So if you see Otis from Barnyard, make sure you blast his ass from a distance!"

I slit my wrist and said, "THAT'S A LOT OF DAMAGE!" So I did it again, but with a knife and said, "NOW *THAT'S* A LOT OF DAMAGE!" I then put watertight Flex Seal on the wound, and it didn't seal.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

So it could get to the other side!

My life is so meaningless that I committed a crime just to get shot. 0-0

This is not a joke; this is just about death...

My mom ate my food, so I ate her pet hamster.

So I went to a church the other day and I asked my friend, "Is that painting of Jesus and is it through the wall with one with three nails?" Oh wait, I wasn’t even Jesus, he’s not doing the T post that he invented.

Your mom is so fat Santa Claus came down and said, "Ho ho holy shit!"

Bo: Hey kids, I am so sad that you won’t exercise and give me Bo power, so I am just going to be an orphan.

Kids changing the channel to Annie.

Annie: Tomorrow, tomorrow, only a day away.

TV changing the channel back to Bo On The Go.

Dezzy: WAAAAAAAAAA, I can’t find Bo!

Your forehead is so big it drips pickle juice!

Yo mama so fat, she can’t even fit on the rainbow.

Yo momma so fat, she farts out volcanoes.

Your momma's so fat, when I went to suck her tit, I got a mouthful of knee.

Best thing ever right here.

So, there is this app on your phone called ringer. Go into it. There is a 12-15 digit number. Enter that into my phone, my dick will get 12-15 inches longer.

Your hairline is so bad that it turned Wonder Woman into Failure Man.

You are so cat.

Bully: My d*ck is longer than your password. Me: I don't have a password. So you *won't* have a d*ck after I tear it off you.