SOS jokes

The Make-A-Wish Foundation has gone too far. All of the Make-A-Wish kids asked for cancer to be gone, so they just gave the cancer to all of the Make-A-Wish kids.

My "overweight" friend and I were talking at lunch.

Overweight friend: Man, why you so ugly, dude?

Me: *annoyed* Jason, when you stepped on the scale this morning, it asked for your weight, not your phone number.

He died because of a fuck up by the Hospital. Apparently, the doctor said to the nurse, "You can discharge Mr. Hawking now," so she went to his room and pulled the plug out of his computer.

One day a Chief was talking to his son... "Son," the father said, "Long ago the Woman didn't have anybody to take her to BINGO. So, the Creator put the Woman to sleep and cut off her butt cheeks and made her a Man. That's why today Indian Women have no butt, and the Men are called Buttheads!"

Why don't wheelchairs have pedals, so when their arms get tired, they can keep going with their feet?

Me and my mom order Chinese food. So when it came, my mom grabbed the egg roll and started to suck it down. Then I ask my mom what are you doing. Then my mom says, "I love you for 5 dollar."

My wife asked me to get her a puppy. I agreed and went to an animal shelter. As I was searching for a puppy, a fire was set, and the entire animal shelter burned down.

A few hours later, I returned to my wife. She knew I had no puppies and asked why. I replied, "I couldn't find any." She understood but was upset, so I gave her something that I did get. She said, "Wow! This is good, what smokehouse did you get this at?"

I'm so depressed, I gave my therapist trauma.

Study tip: Laminate your notes so they don't get damaged by the tears!

Why do orphans like boomerangs so much?

Because they come back.

Yo mama so fat and old, she's the meteor that wiped out the dinosaurs!

Bully: Ur momma so fat that the whales said we are family even though you are a little bigger than us.

Nerd: Yo momma so ugly that when she went in the bathtub, the water jumped out.

Silence...................punch!

My grandpa warned people the Titanic would sink, but they wouldn’t listen, so he kept warning them. Then he was kicked out of the theater.

You're so skinny, you can hula-hoop with Fruit Loops!

Your forehead is so big NASA thought it was Mars.

You're so ugly you make Happy Meals cry.

You're so emo, even Billie Eilish can't beat you!

Why can orphans travel so much?

They don't get homesick.

Someone was bullying Stephen, so I said, "Why do you not stand up for yourself?"

Yo mama so fat that when she farted, Big Shaq took off his jacket.