SOS jokes

I was in a toxic relationship. After some time, my girlfriend died. Her name was Happy. Still got no clue of her body, and here I am lying on the bed so fucking happy.

Your mom is so ugly Biden likes her.

I'm bored and I'm sure someone scrolling through here is too, so wanna chat? Pls.

Stop making moo jokes, they're so annoying!

Once I heard a joke about chocolate. It wasn't that funny, so I just Snickered.

J0K35 (me): So I heard China recently released a snack.

Guy: Oh, what is it?

J0K35: They call it the Asian Raisin.

Guy: Isn't that what RiceGum was when he released Frick da police?

A squirrel walks up to a tree and says, "I forgot to store acorns for winter, so now I am dead!" Haha, it is funny because the squirrel gets dead.

So my son came up to me and said, "Hey, Dad, I’m hungry." So I replied "Hi, Hungry, I’m Dad."

And then I feed him my dick.

Once, there was a kid named Cale, but his classmates didn’t know it was spelled with a “C,” so they asked him if he could be their snack.

I don't ever really bother women, but when I do, I usually just want to talk. I guess since I just so happened to be a straight male that's not a 10 or a 5, I get shutdown so fast. I put out lit candles...like damn, I thought I hid my ring.

If you cut off your head, you can't breathe.

You also can't breathe if you die.

So why isn't it debreathiation?

One time, little Johnny was watching TikTok, and he saw a toy that he wanted so badly, so he cleaned up the whole house and did his homework. When he was done, he saw a spill on the table. He went to the sink to grab a cloth, but when he came back, it was gone. He went to his mom's room and saw a drink with the label "daddy's drink," so he drunk it and said, "It's daddy's; he won't mind," and all day he was like the Flash. So he went back, turned the bottle around, and it said "Speedy," and then he said, "Oh, great heavens!"

This Chinese girl didn't know what a sausage roll was, so I replied, "It's like a spring roll with sausage in it, but not any dog or cat how you have it."

Can people please shut up about "male privileges"? There is no right that men have that women don't.

Women have the right to genital integrity. Women can vote without having to sign up for the draft.

Women have the right to choose parenthood; men do not.

Women have the right to be assumed caregivers for children.

Women have the right to call unwanted, coerced sex rape.

Women have the right to lower jail sentences for the same crime.

Women have the right to not be assumed sexual predators.

Women have the right to government departments that solely serve their interests. They also have the luxury of "women only" events that men cannot even dream of. (They even took the boy scouts away from us.)

Women have the right to government-enforced gender quotas.

Women have the right to exclusive tax benefits for being a business owner.

Women have the right to domestic violence shelters.

Women have the right to not be assumed the primary aggressor in a domestic dispute.

Women have the right to rape a man or boy, and if she gets pregnant from that man/boy, they can sue him for child support.

So it is women who have more rights.

So shut up, feminists, please.

God creates a mosquito :)

God: Okay, so make it reeeeally tiny. Like less than half a fly.

Angel: okay... a bug.

God: now give it’s face a sword, but it has a hole so it’s basically a mouth.

Angel: weird... but okay...

God: and give it wings.

Angel: eh, not half bad Go-

God: NOW MAKE IT EAT THE BLOOD OF ALL LIVING ANIMALS AND HUMANS

Angel: *shook* o-okay

God: okay. Now make sure whenever a human is bit it feels the pain of a million suns burning it, making it scratch until it bleeds out.

Angel: .-.

God: and make sure it also transfers diseases through the species. Give ‘em a taste ‘o that! *evil grin*

Angel: *cries*

Angel: *whispers; I’m so sorry..*

My pencil sharpener broke, so now my pencil is pointless.

Yo mama is so ugly, she turned a knife into a statue.

Yo mama's so poor, I knocked on the front door of her house and realized I was already outside in her backyard!

Why did the cheetah need to fart on the lion? So he could win the race.

Your hairline's so far back, you need binoculars to see it.