The coffee was getting mugged, so it called 911.
SOS Jokes
I named my dog "5 miles," so now I can tell people I walk "5 miles" everyday. 😏😎
I know why Stephen Hawking loves Transformers so much now.
Autobots, "Roll Out!"
Yo mama so fat, she got arrested for carrying 100 pounds of crack.
A girl called me ugly.
So I drove over her with a car and called her flat.
If at first you don't succeed, oh well, so much for skydiving.
Yo mama so ugly, Bloody Mary handed her an application through the mirror.
Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued oh how I wish I was dead so that I no longer have to brood.
Death would be a reprieve as I would no longer have to be true, and I would no longer have to be around any of you.
So this guy named Andrew Furda was my boyfriend for like a half a week, so five days. Then bam, I cut my hair. He only liked me for my looks, and I hoped he regrets it because it is WAR, so if you see this, you're going down, Andrew!
They asked to tell them a joke, so I said no.
Yo mama so ugly, when she looks in a mirror, it says, "Viewer discretion advised!"
22. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
24. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.
31. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.
Girlfriend after sex: How did you get so good at eating pussy?
Boyfriend: My mom taught me.
Mom says: "I will go kill myself."
Me: *stays quiet cuz knows better than to talk* *also me internally eyerolls*
Some time later me fighting with my mom:
Me to my mom: "Oh, yea than kill me!"
Mom: "What the hell did you just say? I don't want to hear it from you again!"
Lesson?
So it's OK for adults to say "I'll kill myself" but not teens/kids!?!?
If I ever stuff up a post, please let me be. I do have ADHD, short-term memory disorder, and dyscalculia, so please remember that no one likes to be picked on for things that they can't control.
Yo mama so fat, when she fell, I didn't laugh, but the concrete laughed up.
Your mom's so heavy that it caused Atlas, the Titan, to slip a disc.
Yo mama is so fat, she got mixed up with Godzilla!
Yo mama's so fat, she irons her clothes on the driveway.
I walked out of the electronic store and saw a midget carrying a big screen TV all by himself. He looked like he needed a hand, so I offered to help.
He said, "This is not a big screen TV, it's a Kindle!!"
