SOS jokes

So this guy named Andrew Furda was my boyfriend for like a half a week, so five days. Then bam, I cut my hair. He only liked me for my looks, and I hoped he regrets it because it is WAR, so if you see this, you're going down, Andrew!

They asked to tell them a joke, so I said no.

Yo mama so ugly, when she looks in a mirror, it says, "Viewer discretion advised!"

22. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

24. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.

31. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.

Girlfriend after sex: How did you get so good at eating pussy?

Boyfriend: My mom taught me.

Mom says: "I will go kill myself."

Me: *stays quiet cuz knows better than to talk* *also me internally eyerolls*

Some time later me fighting with my mom:

Me to my mom: "Oh, yea than kill me!"

Mom: "What the hell did you just say? I don't want to hear it from you again!"

Lesson?

So it's OK for adults to say "I'll kill myself" but not teens/kids!?!?

If I ever stuff up a post, please let me be. I do have ADHD, short-term memory disorder, and dyscalculia, so please remember that no one likes to be picked on for things that they can't control.

Yo mama so fat, when she fell, I didn't laugh, but the concrete laughed up.

Your mom's so heavy that it caused Atlas, the Titan, to slip a disc.

Yo mama is so fat, she got mixed up with Godzilla!

Yo mama's so fat, she irons her clothes on the driveway.

I walked out of the electronic store and saw a midget carrying a big screen TV all by himself. He looked like he needed a hand, so I offered to help.

He said, "This is not a big screen TV, it's a Kindle!!"

I've always wanted to WAVE to a dolphin, but it could never SEA me.

That dolphin is so WASHED up. WATER you say we get revenge?

So my ex invited me to dinner with her new boyfriend.

Her boyfriend said "Hi."

I said, "Knife to meet you!"

Karien: Mom, I don't care if you're dating a new guy, I want you and Dad to be together!

Daiana: Sometimes things don't work out, like when it didn't work between your father and me. Time to move on, Karien.

Karien: Well I'm not moving on! I can't believe you love someone else!

Daiana: Karien, just give him a chance. His name is Derek, he loves cooking, cleaning, and anything that has you doing something.

Karien: That is so boring!

Daiana: Well just work with me please?

Karien: I'll give you a day... 24 hours, Mom!

This disabled girl started rolling after me, so I ran to the stairs. 🤣🤣 LOL

I was at a funeral and told a joke, and my sister said, "I'm dead." So I said, "That's what she said."

I saw a kid crying, so I asked them where their parents were.

God, I love working at an orphanage!

Yo mama so fat, when she put on a yellow raincoat people see her and yell "Hey yo, taxi!"

So, if she gargles your cum, is that a jacuzzi daycare?