SOS jokes

Abortion is becoming more and more expensive these days. So visit Ammu-nation and pick up an Armsan RS-X1 tactical shotgun. It comes with a free box of ammo and a three year warranty. Buy now, pay later.

So, my mom looked in the mirror today, and we need a new one.

I saw a kid wearing tatty rags on a curb, so I asked, "Are you an orphan?"

"Yes," he replied. "What gave me away?" He asked, "Your parents," I said.

Your forehead is so big, Megamind thought he was your long lost sibling.

Yo mama so ugly, when she looks in a mirror, it says, "Viewer discretion advised!"

Bro, yo mama so fat Thanos had to clap her out of existence.

Why is America so bad at playing Jenga?

Because they already lost two towers.

Mama is so Catholic, Swiss cheese wishes it was as holy as she is. Do you...

Yo mama so ugly... when she went to the haunted house... she came out... WITH A JOB APPLICATION!

So, little Johnny is walking down the street and asks a stranger, "Sir, what are hormones?"

Then the man replies, "The moans of a fucking whore!"

So, in "Revenge of the Sixth" when Anakin goes and kills the younglings, I thought to myself, "Hey, it’s just another day in an American school."

Yo momma so fat, she tried to eat a pie chart.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, You are so ugly, Do not tell me that is really you.

The view is so much better without those twins covering the city.

Well, that was a blow up!

Mom died, so I planted mums and forget-me-nots all over her grave site.

Why did the emo kid try [to] high five the tree?

So it can hang him.

So, every time I walk in the door, my kid shuts his laptop. So, I check his history. It was good, but my wife checked mine, and she didn't say the same. The words I heard were, "Get out!"

I saw some kid following me, so I told him to go back to his family.

Orphan: "What family?"

Your forehead is so big you could land a plane on it.

Yo mama so fat, when she stepped on the scales, it said, "One person at a time, please!"