SOS Jokes

Yo mama so fat, she broke Usain Bolt's 100 meter speed record by taking ONE STEP!

Your mom's so fat, the photo from last Christmas is still printing!

I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast any time," so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

— Steven Wright

I was in the bank one day, and this old lady asked me to check her balance. So I pushed her over.

I went to the bank to apply for a Personal Loan.

Then they found out I wanted to be a rapper, so they didn't want to Post M"loan."

A meme formatted as a Twitter screenshot. The top part shows a tweet from 'Wurrco' with the text 'Kanye West has collected the 7 Mythical Dragon Balls to revive Adolf Hitler.' Below the text are two images side-by-side: on the left, a portrait of Kanye West looking directly at the camera; on the right, an image of multiple orange Dragon Balls from the Dragon Ball anime, each with black stars. Below the tweet is a grey box labeled 'Readers added context they thought people might want to know' which states 'Kanye has only collected 6 so far.' followed by 'factcheck.com'.

God, people are so sensitive these days. You can't even say, "Paint the wall black," you have to say, "Jamal, could you paint the wall?"

Yo mama so old that her breastmilk was powdered. You breastfeed like this 🌬💨.

My dad was a roof cleaner and I'm dedicating this to him, so dad, if you're up there!

Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere.

Your mama is so fat that when she was playing online, she crashed the whole server.

Why are you so bonely, my friend? I am at least glad that you are not boneless.

Yo mama so fat, when she joined Team 10...

It became TEAM, 10, TONS!

Yo mama is so ugly Bob the Builder said, "I can't fix that!"

So, no head?

My mom came to me and shouted, "Nobody is giving me a fuck." So I went forward and fucked her!

This one is for Gwen, I'm sorry people are so mean to you.

All the big cats gathered for a game of poker. Why did the tiger lose?

Because one of his opponents kept on lion. Another had a puma-nent poker face. But the real problem was the cheetah.

So, I met Michael Jackson before he died. He dragged me to his bed.

Hey guys, it's Hailey here.

I'ma start off with henlo ;-;

I know you guys aren't going to believe me because of the assholes who were faking to be me, but if you can try to believe me, I'll explain.

So, Jake, we can't really be together anymore, since we no longer can chat. I'm so sorry.

Basically, my parents caught us on here as you realized. Yayyyy.

I don't have time to say anything else. So I've gotta go, but thankyou guys for everything you did for me.

Also, you won't get any response from me so yea. So sorry guys ;-;

So, I was in the bathroom at school washing up, and this girl walked out of the stall and she was like, "Hey, can you make me laugh? I have been having a pretty bad day." And I was like, "Sure." I was like, "Come here." So she came over to me. I was like, "Girl, look at yourself in the mirror." And she started laughing so hard, and she said, "I'm so ugly."

So in prep class, the students were asked to write a letter to their grandparents for Grandparents Day.

Little Johnny's friend, Little Sally, wrote things like, "Thank you," and, "You are so nice!" And Little Johnny goes, "What are you doing? You got it wrong!" So Sally says, "What do you mean? It's a letter." Little Johnny says, "Why did you do it like that? Just write a letter from the alphabet like the teacher said!" Then he says, "I wrote a J to remind them of me!"