SOS jokes

Guy 1: Hey, can you stop making 9/11 jokes? My dad died during it.

Guy 2: Sorry, I will stop. What was your dad?

Guy 1: The pilot. He saw a KFC and wanted it, so, well, you know.

People should build orphanages next to graveyards so at least orphans can see their parents.

My mom always said garlic powder makes everything better, so I sprinkled some on my divorce papers and my wife's broken leg.

Yo mama so poor, she used a KFC bucket as a rain hat.

My uncle hid my weed, so I hid his wheelchair.

Yo momma's so ugly, her birth certificate was an apology letter.

I once had clothes that were so unbearably uncomfortable,

but I never realized they suited me.

A handicapped person was making fun of me, so I walked away.

What did Google Translate say to Siri?

"Why are you so Siri-ous?"

Why are elephants 🐘 so responsible?

Because they keep their belongings in the trunk.

Yo mamma is so ugly, even Ripley wouldn't believe it.

Thank you guys for 6 whole followers! I'm so happy!

Why are all Asians so skinny?

Because last time there was a fat man a whole population disappeared.

Why was the slave so happy? Because he got his master's degree.

Why are orphans so bad at baseball?

Because they don’t know what a home looks like.

Why is Jeffrey Epstein so bad at races?

Because he comes in a little behind.

Kenya, if you keep smiling then you will become a positive bitchy!

Tenya, everyone hates you why I have no idea!

Kenya stop smiling and start dying!

Tenya, why are you so mean!

Kenya, stop acting like a mantrapp!

Tenya, stop being a bitch in a skirt!

Please leave a comment good or bad! cusswords whatever!

A man goes into a job interview and sits down.

The interviewer is looking over his resume and says, "I see here that there's a 4-year gap on your resume. What were you doing?"

The man says, "Oh, that was when I went to Yale!"

The interviewer is impressed and says, "That's great! You're hired!"

The man smiles. "Really? I'm so glad, because I really need this Yob."

So, my dad was drinking, so he was drunk, and I was sad. But can you be my friend, please?

Two women, Jane and Emma, are in the afterlife waiting for judgement.

Emma turns to Jane and says, "I'm just curious, but how did you die?"

Jane replies with, "I burnt to death."

Emma, shocked, responds with, "That sounds horrible! What was it like?"

Jane answers with, "It first felt really hot and painful, but then I felt nothing. How did you die?"

Emma replies with, "Well, I believed my husband was cheating on me. I decided to leave work early one day to make sure he was loyal. I found him on the phone with his mother. I thought he was hiding something from me so I ran to the bedroom and found nothing. Then I sprinted to the kitchen and didn't find anything. I then jolted outside to the backyard and just found that he hadn't cleaned the pool. I was so tired from running that I fell over into the pool and drowned."

Jane retorts with, "Well if you checked the oven neither of us would be here right now."