SOS jokes

BF: Babe, I have two questions.

GF: Ok, ask!

BF: Where have you been all my life?

GF: Aww, that's so sweet. And the second question?

BF: Can you please go back there?

Person: You're so ugly.

Me: You ugly.

Person: I'm not a mirror.

Me: And I'm not your reflection.

Why is the U.S. so mad about the Twin Towers? It was an accident. The pilots were new.

So I told an orphan to slap themselves until they are wanted. I came back the next day to see them slapping themselves. Then I stopped them and told them to punch themselves.

The next day I saw a dead orphan.

Your mama is so fat that when she sat down on the couch for a family picture, it was just her.

When you were born, you were so ugly that the doctors slapped your parents!

If the moon landing was fake, so is your house.

Why is Harry Potter an orphan's favorite character?

Because Harry Potter has no parents, so it’s relatable.

I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home.

So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.

Why are orphans so lucky?

Every crisp packet is family sized.

You look so pretty. Not at all gross today.

HAIKU JOKE:

Helen Keller could Fuck a blind man so hard that she Ends up with his child.

Little Johnny walked into his parents' room to see them going at it.

He asked his mom what they were doing, and she said, "Uh, we're play fighting," and he's like, "With no clothes on?"

She said, "Yeah," and so he said, "Let me join you then..."

Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with your parents soon." He said my parents died. I said I know.

Chuck Norris' dick is so big that it has its own dick. And his dick's dick is still bigger than Bruce Lee.

My friends told me to stop making suicide jokes, so I hanged on.

Yo mama so fat, she eats with three utensils: a knife, spoon, and a forklift.

A kid told me to go get a dad, so I punched the kid. He went to tell his parents. Oh wait, he can't, 'cause he's an orphan, and orphans have no parents.

You're so ugly that when you were born, your mother asked, "How does my little treasure look?", and the doctor replied, "I think we should bury it immediately."

Your forehead is so big, you could roast meat on it.