SOS jokes

Bully: "I would roast you but my mom told me not to burn trash."

Me: "So that's why you haven't burnt yourself yet." 🤔

So, two condoms walk by a gay bar. What does one condom say to the other? "Hey, wanna get 'shit-faced?'"

I got mad at my sister's boyfriend, so I fucked his girl.

Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.

My son is so ungrateful. I bought him a trampoline and all he does is sit in his wheelchair and cry all day.

You're so flat, you make pancakes look thiccc.

You see a kid on the side of the street crying, so you go up to them and say, "Where are your parents?" The kid says, "What are parents?"

Your mama so fat, when she asked for a water bed they put a blanket over the Pacific Ocean.

Three drunk men get in a taxi. The driver knew they were drunk, so he started the car and turned it off. The first man gave him the money. The second man thanked him, but the third man slapped the driver. The driver, surprised that he noticed, asked why, and the third man replied with, "Why did you drive so fast?"

So, I was going out the door and I see my dwarf neighbor at the bus stop. I ask if he needs a lift. He replies with "fu.. off." So, I zip up my backpack and keep going to work.

Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day.

Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"

Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.

"Jesus Christ almighty!" shouts Molly.

"Correct," says the teacher.

The next day the teacher asks, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"

Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack's pencil.

"Jesus Christ almighty!" she shouts.

"Correct again," says the teacher.

The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.

This time the teacher asks her, "What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?"

Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams "If you stick that thing in me one more time I'm going to crack it in half!"

On Xbox Live, an orphan can say "they f-ed your mom," so you can say, "at least mine didn't die from it."

You're so poor, people break into your house and leave things.

Your mom's so fat, when she sat on Walmart, she lowered the prices!

It's the season of giving, so I'll be giving up!

Why are Americans so bad at Clash of Clans? Cause they already lost two towers.

Dad: Son, everyone in your class got COVID.

Son (in a happy tone): I know.

Dad: How do you know and why are you so glad?

Son: Well, yesterday you told me to spread positivity.

What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just WAVED. Can you SEA what I did there? I'm SHORE you did. Why are you so SALTY? Don't be a BEACH.

Yo mama so fat she sat on an iPhone and turned it into an iPad.

Forehead is so big that you wear a bed sheet for a bandana.