SOS jokes

Yo mama is so poor, she buys used food.

Christopher and Tony were tempted for a beer, but they only had 2 dollars each.

Christopher got an idea and ran away to the butcher to see if he could get something good. He came back with a sausage. So they went to a pub and ordered 2 beers and 2 whiskeys.

"Are you crazy?!" said Tony to Christopher. "We don't have any money!"

"Take it easy now," said Christopher. "I have a plan."

When they finished drinking everything up, Christopher put the sausage through his own zipper and begged Tony to bend on his knees and take the sausage with his mouth.

The bartender saw what they did and threw them out without even paying. So Christopher and Tony kept doing the same thing pub after pub after pub.

After the 10th pub, Tony said: "I can't do this anymore. I am drunk, and my knees are in too much pain to even handle the walk."

"How do you think I feel?" said Christopher, exhausted. "I dropped the sausage in the 3rd pub!"

Why is it so hard to find people defending suicide in any discussion?

Because they are really committed to their cause.

World leaders are so old, they've got nostalgia for the Cambrian explosion.

Yo mama so stupid, her favorite color is clear.

Why was the Pokemon under your bed? So it can Pikachu.

Why is Santa's sack so big?

Because he comes once a year.

Yo mama so fat that her belt size is the Equator.

Yo mama so dumb that when she went to Starbucks, she thought she could buy a star.

Yo mama is so old that when she was in history class as a kid, all they learned about was themselves!

Your hairline's so far back, even Andrew Tate rejected it.

Yo, so poor that you wash your paper plates and cutlery in a kids' dishwasher.

My doctor said I need to lose calories, so I got a piece of paper, wrote "calories," and lit it on fire.

Your forehead is so big when you walk by I can't see what's in front of me.

You are so adopted that you don't have a home button on Google Maps.

A boy in nursery asked a girl out. She ran away crying in fear, so he just went back to teaching.

Your mum is so fat that when you walk around her, you get lost.

Male Patient: So, I just pull my pants down and bend over for this prostate exam?

Doctor: Yep.

Male Patient: Ok, I'm ready. Hey! That doesn't feel like a finger.

Doctor: Yep, and I'm not even a doctor.

Yo momma is so stupid, she saw an anime and started eating a live rabbit, and thought she would get powers!

Yo momma's so poor, she chases a garbage truck with a grocery list in her hand.