New SOS Jokes - Page 43 - Worst Jokes Ever

So the other day, I saw a child in a wheelchair.

He was getting bullied a lot, so I came up and said, "Why don't you stand up to those bullies?"

Your hairline recedes so far back that it defends your forehead.

Why did Jordan cross the road? So he could get to his house.

Hey Siri, what’s in my bank account?

You stupid shit, piece of elephant crap, you’re so ugly that when you were born, your nickname was bastard! You’re so ugly, that your crush fainted in front of you and was proclaimed dead! You’re so ugly that-

(Destroys phone cutely)

So, if Russia was the motherland and Germany was the fatherland, what does that mean?

The Western Front is domestic violence.

Yo mama so dumb, she asked how much a free sample was.

Yo mama so fat that when she landed on the moon, instead of saying "One small step for man kind," she said, "One small step for world domination!"

Why do orphans do so well in life?

When people told them "Go big or go home," they only had one option.

Why do orphans commit crimes?

So they can be wanted for once.

I had to go to the doctor for a prostate exam. When he stuck it in, I started to squirm, so he held onto my shoulder.

I thought it was going well, until he grabbed my other shoulder as well.

Your mom is so fat that when she stood on a scale, it said, "We need an actual person, not an elephant!"

Yo mama so stupid, she ate the Apple phone you gave her.

So the other day my black friend and I were working on a group project. He was so slow so I whipped him to make him faster.

So I told the officer, "I can't even walk when I'm sober."

So, this guy, right? He has been through the worst shit in his life. He lost his house, his car, his wife, his kids, everything except his dog.

About 2 weeks after he loses everything, he goes to apply for a job. He attends work for the first 2 weeks to get his first paycheck and then calls in sick for about a month. He comes back to his boss' office after the month is over and his boss questions him. The man claims, "Sir, I was blowing chunks." "What do you mean by 'blowing chunks'?" says the boss. The man replies with, "Chunks is the name of my dog..."

This man has been through all kinda shit in his life. So one day, he finally looks at himself in the mirror and says, "If another person looks at me again, I'm going to kill myself." He looks at himself and no one ever heard from him again.