SOS jokes

Today is Good Friday, so there will be no meat for us to eat. Instead, we have to do what lesbians do and eat fish.

I'm so depressed that when I smile, my Face ID doesn't recognize me.

Male Patient: So, I just pull my pants down and bend over for this prostate exam?

Doctor: Yep.

Male Patient: Ok, I'm ready. Hey! That doesn't feel like a finger.

Doctor: Yep, and I'm not even a doctor.

Yo mama so nasty, she gave yo daddy head, then gave you a kiss good night.

Your mama is so fat, when she stepped on the scale the doctor asked for her weight, not her phone number.

White girl: So this crystal cures my depression and helps me lose weight?

Me holding a rock of meth: YES!!!

Why are there so many scars and cuts on your arm?

Because it's a battlefield.

I yo yo-yo yo-yo yo-yo, yo-yo yo-yo you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you ha! Frick, fuck, gosh dang, you’re so big that you can’t ride. This is Builder.

A husband and wife at custody court. The judge looks sternly at the ex-wife.

Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child?"

Ex-wife: "I brought him into this world, so I should have custody of him."

Judge: "That is a simple yet good reason."

Then the judge looks toward the ex-husband.

Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child, sir?"

The ex-husband thought long and hard about his response. After a brief moment of silence, he replies, "If I put money into a Pepsi machine and a Pepsi comes out, is it mine or the machine's?"

Did you hear that Ted Nugent had a beer thrown at him at one of his shows?

Answer: He was okay. It was a draft, so he dodged it easily!

Male Patient: So I just pull my pants down and bend over for my prostate exam.

Doctor: Yup.

Male: Ok I'm ready....hey doc that doesn't feel like a finger.

Doctor: He he yeah...im not a doctor.

Your momma's so fat that she's used goods, like the Russian tanks.

Ur mum so fat that when she walked into a bar, they said, "Sorry, we don't sell food here."

Your mum is so fat that when you walk around her, you get lost.

Your mum is so old that when I told her to act her age, she died.

Ur mum is so fat that when she lived in a flat on the highest floor, she fell through the inner floor.

You're so fat that you broke Thanos's snap!

You're so fat that when Thanos snapped his finger, you broke the correction.

Why do orphans like to go to church?

So they have someone to call father.

If you're bored, punch an orphan in the face. What is he gonna do, tell his parents?

Why do people consume "Laxatives"?

Answer: So that they can take a "Shit", STUPID!