I told my dad, " I just thought of something funny." He said, ..." Your face?"
Never trust stairs, they're always up to something.
I like when people say they hate me because we have something in common. <3
lets taco about something
Stairs are bad cuz they are always up to something
Trust your calculator. It's something to count on.
SANS you lazy-bones get up and do something. Sans: I am doing something. Papyrus: oh yeah, what. Sans: thinking up a skele-ton of jokes. Papyrus: SANSSSsSsSsSssSsSSsSsSsSSsSSsSsSsS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I will end you. Sans: what does someone not have a funny-bone oh wait do you have a bone to pick with me I have 206
It's sad how families can be torn apart from something as simple as wild dogs.
Kids, next time you have school dinners, make sure you have something you actually like so you don't have to shove all your food over to one side of the plate to make it look like you've eaten more than you actually have.
*guy feels something on his back* “oh god, please let that be a rifle” “Nope. I’m just real happy to see you”
who's a pineapple? I'm a pineapple...Yass teacher and kid kid: hey teacher: yes kid: would you punish me for something I didn't do? teacher: of course not kid: well I didn't do my homework
I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.
Once, there was a couple about to have sex. "I have something to confess," said the shy wife. The husband then said, "Whatever it is, I will still love." The wife then said "Honey, I flat chested. The husband said, "It's okay, I'm a baby down there anyways." He then pulled down his pants and began to have sex. The next day, the wife said "I thought you were a baby down there." The husband then said "I am; 22 inches and 7 pounds."...
Kate:can we have a threesome? Trevor:sure The lights go off and Trevor starts doing what he's supposed to be doing and then he feels something going up his back end he goes to punch the person behind him but then he turns on the let and it was Kate behind him and hes been fucking the guy the whole time.
So you get a new job, and here something about this guy named mike, The next day you go into the office and mike is sitting next to you, with unicorns and Rainbows and stuff, then, a co-worker comes up and says "No one told you mike was gonna be this GGGAAAAYYYYY *clap clap clap clap*".
Mr. Nobody: Water you thinkin's happenin', Ol' Mr. Atlantic? Mr. Atlantic: Something Smells Fishy... Mr. Nobody: Well, duh, you, idiot! Your an =\Ocean/= ! Mr. Atlantic: WTH!?!?!?!?
Name something you practiced kissing on as a kid.
Sister. SWEET HOME ALABAMA!
My mom is a chemistry teacher. Mom: you can’t be attracted to something without it being attracted to you back Me: tell that to my FU*KING CRUSH B*TCH
My brackets are so high on my teeth they must be smoking something.
Dont trust stairs... They are always up to something
