Short jokes
My girlfriend told me that she wonders what our kids will look like.
No, they will be wondering what I look like.
When I died, my friend said he'd cover me.
I was cussing out this kid for stealing, and their mom walked in and said, "Hey, language!" I just said, "English, bitch!"
Adin, you should consider eating pencil lead, you fat cat lover, only if you're the new Adin from FF though xoxo da babby.
Dog: Woof!
Butcher: Say less.
The first time I heard your voice, my foreskin fell off.
You were born on a highway in a car crash, I wonder why.
What is Godzilla’s least favorite ball?
A King Kong ball.
I don't see why women are complaining about the glass ceiling. I mean, if they reach high enough, they can clean it...
What did the orphan say to the adopter?
Nothing, he just stared.
How does an emo greet people?
“What’s down?”
What do you call someone with a big butt?
The Thightanic!
What is half of nine?
"ni"
What's black and grey and red all over?
A dead r******.
A peanut and another peanut walk into a bar.
One was a salted peanut.
One time, a man got mad at me because I was hitting on his girlfriend. Like come on, man, it was only a couple of bruises!
Monster: “I will devour your family.”
Orphan: “Oh.”
What did the fox say to the fire?
You look hot!
What do you call it when Red Sox can't pull out?
Boston cream pie.
What plate do you need to eat in a car? A license plate!