Short jokes
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not, he got nailed before he died!
You guys asked for a joke? Well, you're in luck, because you already are one!
What do you call an octopus with a hat?
An octopus with a hat, of course.
Why did my boyfriend leave me?
Because he's gay.
But why did he come back to me?
Because I'm actually a guy :-)
Q: Why didn’t Santa eat the milk and cookies you set out for him?
A: He doesn’t exist, you childish sh**!
Why didn't the kid cancer patients like his joke?
He said, "You'll understand when you get older!"
What's the definition of total chaos?
A bus load of retards passing a magnet factory.
How can Canada be one of the most educated countries when Canadians are unable to correctly spell "analyse", "programme", and "aluminium"?
You're so poor that when you walked into an elevator, you thought it was a mobile home.
School would be a lot different if the quiet kid had an RPG.
I lit a retirement home on fire so that all the seniors can be cremated for free.
What is the difference between me and a fire?
It's hot.
"Wow... That ship is beautiful! I wonder what will happen if I ram into it..." - Iceberg, 1912.
Everyone tells me I need to stop making prostitute jokes.
I guess they're whore-ible.
I might not be able to make my bed, but at least I can get out of it.
Blood may be thicker than water, but yo mama is thicker than anything!
What hit the ground first in 9/11? The people.
Yo mama so stupid, she shoved a battery up her butt and said, "I GOT THE POWER!"
You're so fat,
when you stepped on the scale,
Buzz Lightyear came out and said,
"To infinity and beyond!"
You’re so fat that when you sit on the toilet, it says, “A B C D E F G, get your butt off of me!”