Shock value jokes

What has an N, an I, two Gs, an E, and an R?

Ginger! You racist fuc-

What's the best thing about a dead hooker? Refunds.

Ahem... if somebody you don't like, or somebody random just calls you in general,

answer the phone with this:

"Hello, thank you for choosing Mama's Pizzeria/Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, how may I help you?"

or

"Hello, this is David's Orphanage, you make them, we take them, how may I help you?"

Some people's reactions are priceless, and then they wonder about your mental health.

Why do you wrap a hamster in duct tape?

So it doesn’t explode when you’re fucking it.

Q. What's red and pink and spins around really fast? A. A baby in a blender.

What's terrible? Three dead babies nailed to one tree.

What's worse than that? One dead baby nailed to three trees.

A condom and bungee jumping are exactly alike, if the rubber breaks, you're f**ked.

Three citizens were going through an exam to become agents of the FBI. Their instructor handed the first guy a gun in a room with his wife and said he had to shoot her. He walked out in shame and said he couldn't do it. The second guy had the same scenario. He put the gun up, but couldn't pull the trigger, so he walked out in shame. The third guy was put in the same scenario. He walked out and told the instructor, "The gun wasn't loaded, I had to strangle the bitch."

How do you start a rave? Throw a flash bang into an epileptic children's ward.

When you're going 80 mph and hit a speed bump,

Then the speed bump starts screaming.

When you send her a dick pic, but then she sends you one right back...