Shes Jokes

My sister gives her hamster to my brother since she thinks I'm irresponsible, so I throw it out the window.

A fat girl was dancing on the table, and I said, "Nice legs." She says, "You really think so?" And I say, "Yes, definitely, most tables would have been broken by now."

A woman just went through labor. She asked the doctor, "Was it a healthy delivery?" The doctor replies, "It wasn't delivery, it's DiGiorno."

Yo mama so fat, when she took a picture of herself, her phone ran out of storage.

Son: Dad, I think I got a girl pregnant.

Dad: Well, is she already part of the family?

Son: Yes, why?

Dad: Then there’s no need to be worried.

God is you... If you have a dog

A golden retriever puppy is sitting and looking up at the camera. The puppy has a cute expression. The puppy's feet are not in view. Two gray slippers are visible at the bottom of the image. The text says, "I taught Luna to sit. She was SO thrilled with the praise she got, that now, every time I turn around this is what I see. My heart!!!"

How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s dick.

I started a new job. My boss said, "Hi, my name is Rebecca, but people call me Becky." I said, "My name is Kyle, but people call me Dick."

She said, "How do you get Dick from Kyle?" I replied, "You just ask nicely."

Yo mamma is so dumb that she smokes to burn calories!

Yo mama so ugly, when she tried to enter an ugly contest, they said they didn't allow professionals.

There was a girl I used to date, only to find out that she used to be a man. You could say, she put me in a trans.

Yo mama so fat, when she bought a fur coat, she made a whole species extinct.

Today I got a lecture from my mother, and congratulated her. Why?

Because she managed not to damage me in a physical fashion.

Your momma is so old she has been a waitress at the last supper.

"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Because she had no arms."

"Why couldn’t she get up off the ground?" "Because she had no friends."

"Knock knock." "Who’s there?" "Not Susie, she’s still on the ground."

"Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?" "Everywhere."

"Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?" "Because it was in a different body bag."

"Why did Susie drop her ice cream?" "She was hit by a bus."

"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Someone threw a refrigerator at her."

Yo mama is so fat that when she walks, she causes earthquakes. She is so big that she has her own zip code and gravity field. She is so heavy that she needs a crane to get out of bed. She is so obese that she can't fit in any clothes, except for a circus tent. She is so large that she blocks the sun and causes eclipses.