Self-will jokes

How did Jesus become self-sovereign?

He screws himself and becomes his own creator.

What do you call an orphan's family picture? A self-portrait.

What do you call an orphan taking a picture?

A self-portrait.

I always win arguments against my handicapped girlfriend; she can't stand for herself.

How to get rid of your depression:

1. Stop self-pitying.

2. Realize you can't.

3. Fucking deal with it.

You're welcome.

Tip for Kindness for the day.

Tip one. Always speak up for yourself.

Yes, letting someone else speak up for you is nice but also speak up for yourself, be brave if a mean bully comes along. Speak up for yourself and others if they need it. Best, Gwen

So, I was in the bathroom at school washing up, and this girl walked out of the stall and she was like, "Hey, can you make me laugh? I have been having a pretty bad day." And I was like, "Sure." I was like, "Come here." So she came over to me. I was like, "Girl, look at yourself in the mirror." And she started laughing so hard, and she said, "I'm so ugly."

Have you ever heard of emo pizza?

It cuts itself!

What do you call an orphan fish?

Self-ish.

Not all self-harmers are emo, but all emos self-harm.

I stole a wheelchair from a disabled kid. What is he going to do, stand up?

What flour do orphans use to bake bread?

Self-raising.

I hate people that hate life.

Me at the same time: Is cutting self at night.

*hides scars* *acts like I'm fine* hehe

What flour do orphans use whilst making cakes? Self-raising.

How do emo bands prepare for their shows?

They self-harmonize.

What kind of veggie is always getting itself into a hard situation?

A pickle.

What did one snow ❄️ man say to itself? My arm is broken.

How do you know all suicide bombers self-identify as being old?

They are all boomers in the end.

I followed the sun for a day (stood there at noon). I found myself at the same spot.

I walked out of the electronic store and saw a midget carrying a big screen TV all by himself. He looked like he needed a hand, so I offered to help.

He said, "This is not a big screen TV, it's a Kindle!!"