Self-will jokes

My and my penis never truly understood the words "Booby traps" until we met the ex-wife. God's gift of self-will was working fine until my penis went hard and my mind went blank, and God started laughing, and I swear I heard him say, "Booby trap" as he walked away! True story.

Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.

Sometimes I feel ugly, then I think of my sister and feel better.

I hate myself.

Go fuck yourself, cause I doubt anyone else will. 💅

you.