Self-Will Jokes

A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up. One kid stood up and the teacher was surprised. She didnā€™t think anyone would stand up so she asked him, ā€œWhy did you stand up?ā€ He answered, ā€œI didnā€™t want to leave you standing up by yourself.ā€

a chemical store burned down and the firefighter just stand there but at the end the store fire just went out by himself. But the store owner still got angry.

store owner : why didn't you take out the fire ?? firefighter : yea but it went out by it self store owner : but still why ?? firefighter : your chemical store sells H20 store owner : oh i get it now

I asked my new girlfriend how many men sheā€™d had before me. She said not to worry, she could count them all on one hand. Unfortunately, this was when I noticed sheā€™s holding her cell phone with a calculator app open. I took note of her wallet inside a picture of what appeared to be 10 guys I asked and she said thatā€™s my fam as well I noticed an Alabama drivers license I asked where which one was her dad she said that she doesnā€™t talk to him anymore because he had sex with the bossā€™s daughter I casually asked what he did for work self employed she said Thatā€™s the last time I use ancestry.com

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Little Johnny was living with his granpa durring the summer...Well grampa had a beer and Johnny said "grampa, let me get a sip of that" Grampa said "well lil Johnny, does your d**k reach your a**?" and lil Johnny said "well no sir"And grampa said then no you cant. Later that day papaw(granpa) had a ciggar and Johnny said let me get a hit of that and papaw asked well Johnny does your d**k reach your a** and Johnny said no again and then papaw was shootin his gun and johnny asked if he could shhot it and granpa asked Johnny if his d**k reached his a** and johnny sid no well after supper Johnnys granma made Johnny some ice cream (the most amazing bowl of ice cream EVER) and granpa said "Johnny, let me get a bit of that ice cream" and Johnny asked papaw "well papaw does your d**k reach your a** nd papaw said "well Johnny as a matter of a fact it does" and johnny said "good, now go fck your self cause you aint gettin none of my ice cream!"

a doctor slept with one of his patients and thought to him self this is wrong but some doctors do it... he is a vet

there was this boy he had diarrhea and he kept asking to go to the bathroom but the teacher said no next ting you know he poop his self infront of the class.