A doctor slept with one of his patients and thought to himself, "This is wrong, but some doctors do it..." He is a vet.
Why did 10 kill itself?
Because it was between 9/11.
You're at a buffet, you think you're hungry for two, but misfortune happens when you think of yourself. You get stuck looking at sides in the buffet. A roly poly gal you see in the corner of your eye, eyeballing the main dishes in front at the end. You go in for the pickings, you get intercepted by a far more hungrier matter, but you find yourself getting slammed over the buffet table, and realize you are gasping for air, and she is tenderizing you for dinner.
What type of flour do you buy an orphan? Self-raising.
"Kill yourself. Stop thinking whether or not to do it, you dumb fucking cunt, no one likes you. Jump off a fucking 3 story building, bitch."
Why did the crumb cake isolate himself? He had a crumbling social life.
This is a joke in itself.
Why did the little girl flush herself down the toilet?
Because she wanted to join the Brownies.
When you're fucking your boss's daughter, then you realize that you are self-employed.
I walked out of the electronic store and saw a midget carrying a big screen TV all by himself. He looked like he needed a hand, so I offered to help.
He said, "This is not a big screen TV, it's a Kindle!!"
Not all self-harmers are emo, but all emos self-harm.
Why did people bully Steven Hawking?
Because he couldn't stand up for himself.
I believe "Self-Baptism" is a nice way of saying "Failed Suicide Attempt."
Why did the disabled kid keep getting bullied?
He couldn’t stand up for himself.
Look at your left hand, now look at your right hand, and tell yourself, "Which hand do you cheat with?"
Wanking.
If you want a joke, look at yourself in the mirror!
Why does Adam go hockey, you might ask?
In my opinion, he shouldn't go because he is bad, but he needs the armor to protect himself from his own step-dad.
What do you call a Mexican that hung him self? a pinata
Why can’t Sally hang herself?
She does not have arms.
What do you call a squirrel with wings? A flying squirrel, it's pretty self-explanatory.
