Self-will jokes

What kind of veggie is always getting itself into a hard situation?

A pickle.

Yo mama is so ugly that when she turned on the TV, it changed channels by itself.

My sister was hitting on my boyfriend. I'm 11, she's 9. She said, "Go f-ck yourself," so I said, "Okay, thanks for the idea!"

I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said no, "Why the fuck would I adopt you?" and I said "I'm gonna kill myself," and she also said, "Make sure you do it right this time."

Isn't it sad that orphans are only allowed self raising flour? Orphan-👁👄👁

My jokes are pretty "bone-arifick," if I say so myself. Hehhehe... Get it?

Note to self.

When baking for the holidays, don't Google "creampies".

Google "cream pie recipes".

Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself? I would too if all I heard was "daaaaaaah!"