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Robert Smith walks into a hospital. The nurse says, "We have the cure!"
Two tourists climb a mountain that utters certain doom.
One tourist falls down. The tourist that's still on the mountain says, "You ok down there?"
The other tourist says, "Can't I just rest in peace?!"
Why did you say hi? Babies don't talk.
What did one bean say to the other bean?
How you bean?
What did the policeman say to his belly button?
You're under a vest!
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He didn't have enough room for any more RAM on his motherboard. I feel so bad for saying that!
One day there was a boy who needed the toilet, so he goes to his teacher and asks if he can go to the toilet. The teacher says "yes, but before you go, what are the first 3 letters in the alphabet?" The boy replies, "I don't know, miss..." The teacher says that he will have to wait.
Later, the boy goes home to his mom who is on the phone. He asks, "What is the first letter in the alphabet?" His mom says, "Oh, shut up!" So the boy goes to his dad who is playing darts and says, "What is the second letter in the alphabet?" His dad says "180!" So the boy goes to his sister who is playing with her Barbies. The boy asks, "What is the 3rd letter in the alphabet?" The sister says, "I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world!"
The next day, the boy goes to school and needs the toilet again, so he goes to ask if he can go, and the teacher says, "Yes, but before you go, what are the 3 letters in the alphabet?" The boy says, "Oh, shut up!" The teacher is angry about that, so she says, "What is the second one?" "180!" says the boy, and the teacher asks him where he is from, and the boy says, "I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world!"
The end.
Q: Why do men say "ladies first?"
A: So they can look at their a**.
What did the fish say to the other fish?
"I want my life to be H2O-ver!"
This is a big joke, so yeah, you can't tell me what to do. This joke is funny, so laugh, okay?
Now that you're done laughing, let me say a joke... Get it? There was no joke! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahhahhaha lololol so funny, I'm ninja!
What did the ferret say after his family was questioned by police?
It's none of your business!
What did the wind say to the palm tree? "Hold onto your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job."
What did the airplane say to the paper plane? Why do you look like a wimp?
What does the Peanut Butter Baby say?
"Ah!"
What did the orphan say to his father?
Nothing, he doesn't have one.
You're at your girlfriend's house for a family dinner. Your GF says, "Daddy, please pass me the salt," when you and her father begin to reach for the salt.
I lost my job making storage units for the police after a week. I guess you could say it was a brief case.
So, a daughter goes to her dad and says, "Daddy, can I borrow the car?" He then tells her, "You know what to do." So then she proceeds to suck him off, almost immediately pulls out in disgust, and says, "Ugh, tastes like shit." Her dad then said, "Damn, I forgot your brother took the car."
What did the angler say to his students at the end of his fishing class? Catch you later!
On Xbox Live, an orphan can say "they f-ed your mom," so you can say, "at least mine didn't die from it."