Apocalypse jokes

People are making apocalypse jokes like there's no tomorrow.

So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world.

I'm telling my kids that in 2020 I survived world war 3, the zombie apocalypse, the invasion of the murder hornets, and the second American revolution.

I figured out why everyone is buying toilet paper. Because a huge rock is headed towards Earth, and paper covers rock.

What do you call a Mexican in the zombie apocalypse?

Answer: "Sweet and spicy chicken."

you look like a dumb crab. When everyone sees you, the world will end.

What do you call a zombie?

Nothing because zombies aren’t real, and if they were, you would be dead.

If there was a zombie, you would not die because you have no brain.

People shouldn’t be afraid during a zombie apocalypse.

They can stay in their living room.

In the Robocide, Explain Bear is the first to go.

SCP-173 has breached containment. This is not a joke. Multiple Keter class SCPs have breached containment. This is an XK class event. Evacuate the Earth and solar system. The world is ending!

Friend: How's it going?

Me: Good, things are good!

Parent: How are you?

Me: Oh, I'm fine!

Twitter: Compose new tweet?

Me: Hellooooo, I would like to tell you about my anxiety & my current greatest fears & let's talk about the impending apocalypse while we're at it.

A man walks into a bar. He sees a family court judge, his wife, her lawyer, and a police officer. He gets on his hands and knees and prays to God out loud. The bartender says, "Why are you praying?" He says, "Because I just saw the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse, and the bible tells me when I see them the end is at hand."

If there was a zombie apocalypse, girls would make a "forehead apocalypse" since it is so big.

What do you call a horde of Autistic kids?

A zombie Apocalypse!

Uuuuuuhhhhhhhhh🧟