Apocalypse jokes

People are making apocalypse jokes like there's no tomorrow.

So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world.

I figured out why everyone is buying toilet paper. Because a huge rock is headed towards Earth, and paper covers rock.

I'm telling my kids that in 2020 I survived world war 3, the zombie apocalypse, the invasion of the murder hornets, and the second American revolution.

What do you call a Mexican in the zombie apocalypse?

Answer: "Sweet and spicy chicken."

What do you call a zombie?

Nothing because zombies aren’t real, and if they were, you would be dead.

you look like a dumb crab. When everyone sees you, the world will end.

If there was a zombie, you would not die because you have no brain.

People shouldn’t be afraid during a zombie apocalypse.

They can stay in their living room.

SCP-173 has breached containment. This is not a joke. Multiple Keter class SCPs have breached containment. This is an XK class event. Evacuate the Earth and solar system. The world is ending!

In the Robocide, Explain Bear is the first to go.

Friend: How's it going?

Me: Good, things are good!

Parent: How are you?

Me: Oh, I'm fine!

Twitter: Compose new tweet?

Me: Hellooooo, I would like to tell you about my anxiety & my current greatest fears & let's talk about the impending apocalypse while we're at it.

A man walks into a bar. He sees a family court judge, his wife, her lawyer, and a police officer. He gets on his hands and knees and prays to God out loud. The bartender says, "Why are you praying?" He says, "Because I just saw the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse, and the bible tells me when I see them the end is at hand."

If there was a zombie apocalypse, girls would make a "forehead apocalypse" since it is so big.

What do you call a horde of Autistic kids?

A zombie Apocalypse!

Uuuuuuhhhhhhhhh🧟

"Go big or go home," that's what some people say.

"Go loud and proud," that's what other people say.

"Go out with a big, loud bang!" that's what I say.

A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning church, and the priest says, "What about the children?" The rabbi says, "Fuck the children." And the priest says, "Do you think we'll have time?"

Where did Sally go when the bomb exploded?

Everywhere.