Prostitution jokes
"Prostitutes love their jobs; they're always having a blast!"
I was watching the news and heard a segment about a blind hooker who got stabbed 40 times.
At least she didn't see it coming.
Saint Nicholas is the patron saint of working girls. Call girls. Hookers. Prostitutes. And the association is a long one, going back to the very earliest legends which place St. Nick as a Greek bishop in Myra, Lycia in what is now the Turkish Mediterranean - three centuries after Christ.
Saint Nicholas is notable primarily for giving secretly to the poor, and supposedly the first to benefit were three young ladies whose poor father couldn't afford wedding or dowry to marry them off - destining them instead to a life of prostitution. St. Nick supposedly threw a bag of gold through the window to pay for the wedding but, by the third attempt, the poor father was watching to determine the identity of the anonymous benefactor. Santa outsmarted him by dropping the last bag of coins down the chimney.
So, whenever you see Santa, he always travels with his three favourite sex workers - who seemingly never grow old. On a quiet, still Christmas night you can even hear him call them.
Ho! Ho! Ho! And to all a good night.
What present can a pimp always buy his hoes to both show how much he thinks of them and know they can never get enough of?
Condoms!
Everyone tells me I need to stop making prostitute jokes.
I guess they're whore-ible.
What's the best name for a prostitute?
SI-MOAN.
How many dead prostitutes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
More than three because the basement is still dark!
Three women were in heaven. The angel at the gates said, "How good the ride into heaven is for you, is determined by your commitment to your most recent partner."
The first lady says, "2 years, 2 side-hoes." She got an old lexus.
The second lady says, "10 years, 1 visit from a prostitute." She got a Mercedes-Benz.
The third lady says, "I never had a husband."
The angel says in response, "F*ck me and then you can have a lambo."
They all arrive in heaven, to see the second lady crying.
The first lady says, "I know we are dead, but it could be a lot worse."
"How!?" The third lady cries, "The angel has a flute for a d*ck!"
What’s the difference between a bullet and a prostitute? They both burst a barrel.
This account is run by a peadophile.
Q. What do you call a hooker in a vegetative state? A. A thot incapable of thought.
What’s the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer?
The prostitute can wash her “crack” and sell it again.
Why did the orphan become a prostitute?
So they could finally call someone "daddy."
Q: What do hookers and kittens have in common?
A: They both get dumped on deserted back roads.
A prostitute walks in the bar, and she goes up to the bartender and says, "I just made $100 and 5¢ sucking dick." The bartender says, "Who gave you the 5¢?" The prostitute says, "They all did!"
A gay wizard went to a bar and disappeared with a poof!
I have no problem with prostitution.
It's like an Air BnB for your dick.
Who do you call in times of a marriage crisis? A prostitute, because your wife fucking sucks.
How do you know if a woman that is poor who is between 18-24 years old is poor enough to do anything for money to help pay her bills? She would be working as a lesbian prostitute inside a lesbian hotel in San Francisco, CA.
What do you call a Chinese hooker that won't get on her knees?
Cantonese...