Press jokes

Did you know that Stephen Hawking's death was an accident because he pressed "shut down" instead of "sleep mode?"

I don't really trust the press. Sometimes they wear badges that say "press," but if you press those badges, they just fall over, all surprised.

If your wife dies of childbirth, can you press charges on the baby?

Stephen Hawking's death was completely accidental.

He pressed "shut down" instead of "sleep".

I'm doing something Stephen Hawking can't do... pressing "I'm not a robot."

So, there is this button. There's a 50% chance you get a million dollars. There's a 50% chance that you turn into a turtle. Make them press the button, and if they give the money, you just push the orphan over, take their money, and run away because who are they going to tell? Their parents?

Why did he die?

Because God made a mistake and pressed Ctrl+Z.

I got a job at the can factory, but it is soda-pressing.

Did you hear of my new job as a can crusher? It's soda pressing.

How do you kill a Hindu? PRESS THE RED BUTTON.

Q: What do you call a sad soda?

A: Soda-pressing.

I was using my computer one time and I pressed Ctrl-Alt-Delete, and Stephen Hawking went into a deep sleep.

What do orphans do when they get a phone? They press the home button.

How do you make Indians explode? Press the red button.

While fucking a hot auntie, pressing tightly her boobs and fondling, He: What do you feed your babies? She: Milk and orange juice. He: Wow, which side is orange juice? 😋

I always press the stop button to see you.

"Rajesh get on bus, so many people, squeeze here squeeze there. He daydream about naughty stuff, like coffee spill but not coffee. Bus move, stop, he press close to pretty lady, she smell nice. Rajesh think how funny if something else spill, make whole bus ride wild." He laugh to self, bus ride never boring now!

Danny just bought a new game from Steam for a penny.

About one hour later, Danny asks his mother: "Mom, I am not able to start the game."

Mom asked, "Why?"

Danny answers: "It says 'Press any key' on the screen, but I can't find an 'Any' button on my keyboard."

How much context, pecker? You Press context categoria, go Discord.

Drink tea with friend game night.

What does Stephen Hawking press after he's had a hard day?

F5