I helped my son (who is missing his arms) unwrap his Christmas present. The ungrateful bastard just sits there and cries, and it's a pair of mittens. The ungrateful bastard is just sitting there, crying.
Present Jokes
What present can a pimp always buy his hoes to both show how much he thinks of them and know they can never get enough of?
Condoms!
Past, present, and future walked into a bar... things got tense :). Pls send help, yet once again :).
My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa. I asked, "Why is it because he gives people presents?" Jimmy told me, "No, it's because I hear so many good things about him and how he's gonna come home, but never see him."
I got my little girl a hand sewing kit for her birthday and she cried. I didn't understand why until I realized that she had no hands to sew with.
What did the blind man say on Christmas?
"I can feel your presents!"
A sex addict man meets a rich man around Christmas.
The sex addict asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The sex addict asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."
The sex addict nods. Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?" The sex addict thinks about it for a second and replies, "A gold necklace and a dildo."
The rich man asks, "Why those two things?" The sex addict astutely responds, "This way, if she doesn't like the jewelry she can go f... herself."
Why was Stephen Hawking disappointed when he got his Christmas present? It was singing lessons.
What did the girl get for Christmas?
Cancer.
My friend gave me sugar for my birthday. She thought it was cheap; I thought it was pretty sweet.
Did you know what my grandpa wanted for Christmas? A new ass because his one has a crack on it.
A little boy was given a bicycle and a soccer ball for his birthday, but why was the little boy unhappy?
Because the little boy had no legs.
What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas?
A pair of gloves!
Nah, I’m not that mean, he’s still trying to open his presents.
Today is a gift. That’s why we call it the present.
Sally has no arms. What did she get for Christmas? I don't know, she hasn't opened it yet.
Santa gives a boy a bike and a soccer ball for Christmas. This upsets the boy. Why?
Answer: He has no legs. The boy has no legs.
Why did Sarah fall off the swing? She had no arms.
What did Sarah get for Christmas? I dunno, she hasn't opened it yet.
Knock knock...
Who's there?
Not Sarah.
I got my sister a trampoline for her birthday, but she won’t get out of her wheelchair and use it.
We should enjoy the present while it's here. Do you know why they call it the present? Because it's a gift.
Why is Santa’s sack so big?
Because he only comes once a year.
