Present jokes
Did you know what my grandpa wanted for Christmas? A new ass because his one has a crack on it.
A little boy was given a bicycle and a soccer ball for his birthday, but why was the little boy unhappy?
Because the little boy had no legs.
Q. What did Hitler give his niece for her birthday?
A. An easy bake oven.
What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas?
A pair of gloves!
Nah, I’m not that mean, he’s still trying to open his presents.
Today is a gift. That’s why we call it the present.
Sally has no arms. What did she get for Christmas? I don't know, she hasn't opened it yet.
Santa gives a boy a bike and a soccer ball for Christmas. This upsets the boy. Why?
Answer: He has no legs. The boy has no legs.
Why did Sarah fall off the swing? She had no arms.
What did Sarah get for Christmas? I dunno, she hasn't opened it yet.
Knock knock...
Who's there?
Not Sarah.
I got my sister a trampoline for her birthday, but she won’t get out of her wheelchair and use it.
We should enjoy the present while it's here. Do you know why they call it the present? Because it's a gift.
Why is Santa’s sack so big?
Because he only comes once a year.
What did the deaf, dumb, and blind kid get for Christmas?
Answer: cancer.
The past, the present, and the future were having an argument. It was tense.
What did your mom get for Christmas?
A big black horse dildo.
There was this man, and he forgot about his wife's birthday. She was very upset and said that her present should come as fast as 1-200 by tomorrow. When she woke up, she saw a present in the bathroom. It was a scale.
What did the girl with no arms get for Christmas?
We dunno, she ain't opened it yet.
I bought my son a fridge for Christmas. I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday?
I don't know. He hasn't opened it yet.
The past, present, and future walk into a bar.
It gets really tense.