Once upon a time... Chuck Norris stepped on a Lego. R.I.P. the Lego piece.
What's the only time you can do almost whatever you want?
When you have a gun in your hand.
Chuck Norris sleeps with the light on, not because he is afraid of the darkness, but because the darkness is afraid of him.
Hey, I'm not forcing you to learn the Force.
Before the chicken or the egg, there was only Chuck Norris.
I go balls deep in your mum with no power.
An HDMI cable and an electrical outlet went on a date. It didn't go well, because they couldn't connect.
You know chords, right? Well, you know what I love to do? To play with A-minor. You know, feel your fingers on A-minor. Gives you a sense of power, to just F A-minor.
But that's not my favorite thing to fiddle with. That would be the D of minors. It's just solid, you know. If you're clever you can have the D of minors into the C of minors. Or, though a bit tricky, the D of minors into the B of minors.
And at this point you've gotten the point and if I want to continue it would be a bit of a stretch.
Chuck Norris doesn't zoom out; everything moves backwards.
Bees don't sting Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris stings bees.
Chuck Norris can make a fire with two ice cubes.
God said, "Let there be light." Chuck Norris said, "You have to say please first."
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He just stares them down and gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's Secret.
Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number. You answered the wrong telephone.
Russian history in 5 words: "And then things got worse."
When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he's pushing the Earth down.
Give a man a gun, and he will rob a bank.
Give a man a bank, and he will rob everyone.
Why can't atheists solve exponential equations?
Because they don't believe in higher powers.
