Potato jokes
What do you call a potato with a pp?
A dictator.
Fun fact: Pringles are named Pringles because somebody decided to name them Pringles.
Did you know that chips taste like the baked potato in things called bags of chips?
What has eyes but can't see?
Potatoes, storms, and needles.
What's the difference between a school shooting pistol and a baked potato? The physical composition, of course, but they both pack the same heat.
Why couldn't the orphan buy chips?
They were all family sized.
Die you potato.
I baked you a pie.
Oh boy, which flavor?
Pie Pie Pie Pie.
Dad, I'm hungry.
Hi hungry, I'm dad.
Why did you name this way?
Why Why Why?
How do you get 500 drunk TTC people out? "Ah, on fire, a warning shot." "Uhhh sir, it's a M92 mortar." "Ah, just fire the shot!" Please get out before you get triggered from the pool and you have no clothes showing your nono parts. Oh wait, please get out of the pool drunk people. Potato, potatoes, fire ze shot.
What’s the difference between a hot potato and a flying pig?
One’s a heated yam, and the other’s a YEATED HAM!
Green beans, potato salad with the one that was in the fridge for me.
Don't worry if you think your life sucks. Just remember that people are arguing over the gender of a potato head.
If I eat a poisonous potato, it attacks my immune system and I die.
But if I poison a poisonous potato, then eat it, then I won't die because the potato is already dead and can't attack my immune system.
Give a man a potato, he is full for a day.
Give a man a poisoned potato, he'll be full for the rest of his life.
English: It's the story of two potatoes, one gets mashed and the other screams “Oh mash!”
French: C’est l’histoire de deux pommes de terre. Une d’elles se fait écraser et l’autre s’écrie “Oh purée!”
You're so short that you use a ladder to reach the potato chips!
Man: Die, potato!
Potato: *screams*
I like trains.
Kid: I like trains.
Man: No, wait!
Train: *kills man*
Why do potatoes make good detectives?
Because they keep their eyes peeled!
Every time I come in the kitchen, my girl is in the kitchen in the damn refrigerator eating all the food, like the fried chicken, the mashed potatoes, the collard greens, mac and cheese, and the cornbread.
Then I said I wanna eat some of that shit. I love soul food. Then I told her, "You keep it up; your fat ass is going to be big like the house on Haunted Hill."
What is a porn star's favourite potato crisp flavour...
Prawn cocktail.
A man walked into a shop and asked the shop keeper for a potato clock.
The shop keeper said, "I don't know what a potato clock is."
The man said, "Me neither, but I'm starting a new job and my boss told me work starts at 9, so I'd have to get a potato clock."