Green beans, potato salad with the one that was in the fridge for me.
Don't worry if you think your life sucks. Just remember that people are arguing over the gender of a potato head.
If I eat a poisonous potato, it attacks my immune system and I die.
But if I poison a poisonous potato, then eat it, then I won't die because the potato is already dead and can't attack my immune system.
Give a man a potato, he is full for a day.
Give a man a poisoned potato, he'll be full for the rest of his life.
English: It's the story of two potatoes, one gets mashed and the other screams “Oh mash!”
French: C’est l’histoire de deux pommes de terre. Une d’elles se fait écraser et l’autre s’écrie “Oh purée!”
You're so short that you use a ladder to reach the potato chips!
Man: Die, potato!
Potato: *screams*
I like trains.
Kid: I like trains.
Man: No, wait!
Train: *kills man*
Why do potatoes make good detectives?
Because they keep their eyes peeled!
Every time I come in the kitchen, my girl is in the kitchen in the damn refrigerator eating all the food, like the fried chicken, the mashed potatoes, the collard greens, mac and cheese, and the cornbread.
Then I said I wanna eat some of that shit. I love soul food. Then I told her, "You keep it up; your fat ass is going to be big like the house on Haunted Hill."
What is a porn star's favourite potato crisp flavour...
Prawn cocktail.
A man walked into a shop and asked the shop keeper for a potato clock.
The shop keeper said, "I don't know what a potato clock is."
The man said, "Me neither, but I'm starting a new job and my boss told me work starts at 9, so I'd have to get a potato clock."
Why did the boy put the potatoes 🥔 on the kitchen floor?
He wanted to mash potatoes!
What do you call a baby potato?
Small fry!
Little Johnny was eating dinner with his family. His mother went around the table and asked, "Mark, what would you like to eat?" Mark said, "I'd like some fucking potatoes." *SMACK*! Mother slapped Mark. She then asked Suzie, "What would you like to eat?" "Well, I'd like some fucking potatoes," said Suzie. *SMAACK*! She slapped Suzie. "Okay, Johnny, what would you like to eat?" "Well.... I sure as hell don't want no fucking potatoes."
For every orphan, a bag of chips is family size.
What did the potato say when the sweet potato told it to hurry?
I yam.
"Sanderson, fire a warning shot."
"Uhh sir, this is an M32 rotary grenade launcher."
"Ah potato-potato, just pull the trigger."
What is your car you cannot drive? A super flying car!
What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato? A dick tater.
I yam a food lover. I also like sweet potatoes.
