Q: Where did Helen Keller go to school?
A: Anywhere she was homeschooled.
My dad drove past a graveyard. He said, "I won't be buried there." I asked why.
He said, "Because I am not dead yet!"
What's a cannibal's favorite place?
A day care.
He placed the chocolates and the flowers down beside her.
Silence...
And then at last she spoke...
"Unexpected item in the bagging area."
Hey! My name is Microsoft. Can I crash at your place tonight?
I think the local nudist campground just went out of business.
The sign on their gate says:
"Clothed Until Further Notice."
A no legged manager runs the nearest pizza place called Your Pizza Is A Joke.
I (J0K35) worked there and this happened...
Manager: WHY ARE THE PINEAPPLES IN THE TRASH?
Me: Because nobody eats fucking pineapple pizza.
Manager: THAT'S IT! I'M KICKING YOU OUT OF THIS PLACE!
Me: You can't kick me out.
Manager: Why not? Huh?
Me: Because you need legs to kick, and you don't have any.
What happens if the dumbest person from Europe goes to the US?
The average IQ increases in both places.
Hey, the biggest distraction will never be my tattoos in this facility if you understand what I am saying.
But in all seriousness, welcome to the biggest frat party taking place near the ocean. I am most likely going to tell my family this or maybe not, depending what's going down. I am very adaptive through different circumstances.
Where's the best place to spawn camp at the hospital?
The maternity ward.
I was at a friend's place yesterday, and... There was a mother, father, three sons, and a daughter.
That night the mother and father started fucking each other. I yelled and told them there are innocent children in this house.
An hour later, they started up again. I walked to their room and they were asleep, so I looked in the brothers' room and all three brothers were fucking the sister.
I sighed at this. "Incest aside, you guys make a cute family." I started, "So Anna, when am I gonna have nieces and nephews?" They stopped instantly and went to sleep. "Thank you," I replied before walking back to my room they let me sleep in and I passed out for the rest of the night.
Why can't orphans play at a McDonald's play place? They don't have parent supervision.
What's worse than placing 10 babies in a trash can?
Placing 1 baby in 10 trash cans...
Where do sex addicts go when they need to talk? Hoe-and-Tell.
I got kicked out of the school library for placing a women's rights book in the fiction section.
Where do keyboards go to have dinner?
The space bar!!!
Iron Man: Where are you from?
Thor: Asgard.
Iron Man: Do you mean ass guard?
One day, two Chinese people with broken English go to America. When they arrive, they go to a small place to eat. When they look at the menu, they see "hot dog," but since their English is bad, they think it's literally a roasted dog and order it. When it comes back, they're both surprised, and one of them asks,
"What part of the dog did you get?"
The other day I was in the park and got bored, so I found an orphan and punched him in the face, laughed at him, and said, "Whatcha gonna do, tell your parents?"
There are days I feel really bad for my Wife. She has to feed me in the same place I take a dump.
She really hates it when I spit my food back out.
