Picture jokes
What is it called when an orphan takes a selfie?
A family photo.
Yo mama is so ugly, her pictures hang themselves.
Mom found a mirror in the garden and said, "I'll show you a real picture!"
Off-topic, but why is the picture in the baby category feet? And nasty feet at that? What am I, Dan Schneider?
This is crop tops! Go to crop tops and click each picture and look! Comment too.
Oh, and like!
“Did you show him the pictures of our cats?”
“Yes.”
“Did you hang ‘em?”
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
I drew a picture of a whale in the ocean. My brother asked, "What are you drawing?" I said, "You taking a shower."
Your mama is so fat, the wall couldn't support her picture.
Man: I'm here for the job interview.
Employer: Oh good, good. Sit down. We don't get many people for the interviews.
Man: Just anywhere?
Employer: Yeah, make yourself comfortable. Jackson, right?
Man: Yeah, that's me.
(Shakes hands and sits back down)
Employer: So what makes you eligible for the job, Jackson?
Man: Well, I'm really good at capturing the perfect shot and angle. It really takes dedication to do this type of job. Concentration and willpower, sir.
Employer: I like you already, you're hired!
Man: Wow, thanks, sir. I know I won't do you wrong. I'll work hard for this job!
Employer: You start now! Your first person is a man named John F Kennedy.
Man: What? You want me to just take pictures of him during the parade?
Employer: No.
Man: This... This is a photography job, right?
Employer: No... this is a job employment for man hunting.
Your mama is so fat, she needs two phones to take a picture of herself.
You know you're ugly when you get handed the camera every time your friends have a group picture.
Yo momma so fat, a picture of her would fall off the wall!
Last Christmas, I took a picture of your mom.
It's still printing.
Your mama is so fat that she took a picture at Christmas, and it's still downloading.
What do you call a Chinese man with a camera?
Phill Ming.
Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas, and it's still printing.
My dad posted a picture of his condom challenge fail to his social media - it was a picture of me.
I met a kid at the park. He was holding a picture of his parents in his hands. They had died on 9/11.
So, I went to comfort him. I said, "Hey, I lost my grandpa on 9/11. He was great. At flying a plane."
Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me. I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed. She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb In the shape of an "L" on her forehead.
Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming. Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running. Didn't make sense not to live for fun. Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb.
So much to do, so much to see So what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go. You'll never shine if you don't glow.
[Chorus:] Hey, now, you're an All Star, get your game on, go play Hey, now, you're a Rock Star, get the show on, get paid. And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold.
It's a cool place and they say it gets colder. You're bundled up now wait 'til you get older. But the meteor men beg to differ Judging by the hole in the satellite picture.
The ice we skate is getting pretty thin. The water's getting warm so you might as well swim. My world's on fire. How about yours? That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored.
[Chorus 2x]
Somebody once asked could I spare some change for gas. I need to get myself away from this place. I said yep, what a concept I could use a little fuel myself And we could all use a little change.
Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming. Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running. Didn't make sense not to live for fun. Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb.
So much to do, so much to see. So what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go. You'll never shine if you don't glow.
[Chorus]
And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold.