Picture jokes

Random person: "What's one thing your ex gave you that you can't get rid of?"

Man: *Shows a picture of his child.*

For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio.

But that’s just me in a nutshell.

Jim was caught beating a man up. Brooklyn took a picture of his license plate with her phone and told him, "Your life is ruined!" So Jim took a picture of her, and the next thing you know, he said, "Now my phone is ruined!"

When an orphan takes a family photo, it’s called a selfie.

This picture is for bras! Comment or not and go to each one and comment! And go!

If you look up the word "wheelchair" in a dictionary, you will see a picture of Stephen Hawking.

I asked my new girlfriend how many men she’d had before me.

She said not to worry, she could count them all on one hand.

Unfortunately, this was when I noticed she’s holding her cell phone with a calculator app open. I took note of her wallet inside a picture of what appeared to be 10 guys. I asked and she said that’s my fam as well. I noticed an Alabama driver's license. I asked which one was her dad. She said that she doesn’t talk to him anymore because he had sex with the boss’s daughter. I casually asked what he did for work. Self-employed? She said that’s the last time I use ancestry.com!

What's an orphan's selfie called?

A family portrait.

I have a picture of Uranus on my computer.

What do you call a selfie taken by an orphan?

A family portrait.

Love is the best picture you can use to be able for her and I was able for her in the best place for her and I have to be honest and a great team of the team and the way it goes is the first 4th year of my life in my life as a new 💕.

Why was the emo mad?

The picture got hung, not her.

Your mom finds a mirror on the scrapyard and says, "I would have thrown away a picture like that, too!"

What kind of pictures do turtles take?

Shelfies.

A father and a son were painting pictures together. The son and father were drawing the exact same thing to a T, and the son said, "What happened to your hand?" looking at the scar tissue near the father's knuckle. The father replied with, "You know what happened, you were there." The son continues to deny this until they both finish their paintings. They're exactly the same.

The father passes out for a few hours and wakes up to find that there's only one painting.

Man: I'm here for the job interview.

Employer: Oh good, good. Sit down. We don't get many people for the interviews.

Man: Just anywhere?

Employer: Yeah, make yourself comfortable. Jackson, right?

Man: Yeah, that's me.

(Shakes hands and sits back down)

Employer: So what makes you eligible for the job, Jackson?

Man: Well, I'm really good at capturing the perfect shot and angle. It really takes dedication to do this type of job. Concentration and willpower, sir.

Employer: I like you already, you're hired!

Man: Wow, thanks, sir. I know I won't do you wrong. I'll work hard for this job!

Employer: You start now! Your first person is a man named John F Kennedy.

Man: What? You want me to just take pictures of him during the parade?

Employer: No.

Man: This... This is a photography job, right?

Employer: No... this is a job employment for man hunting.

“Did you show him the pictures of our cats?”

“Yes.”

“Did you hang ‘em?”

I drew a picture of Colby.

Too bad it got ripped up 😢

Your mama is so fat, the wall couldn't support her picture.

Yo momma so fat, a picture of her would fall off the wall!