Phone jokes
I asked the emo at my school if he got jealous when his phone died.
When you unplug the charger to charge your phone, but you realize it was plugged into your grandpa's life support:
Why is there no phone in China?
Too many wings, too many wongs; might wing wrong number.
I called my mom on Alexa, and she told me, "Please take out the trash." I said, "But I can't, you're not here."
Why can't an orphan have a phone?
Because they will see a home.
Q. Why was the orphan unable to use the phone?
A. He was trying to phone home.
My grandpa said I was too reliant on technology when he saw me on my phone. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
An old man gets a call from the IRS.
The man on the phone says, âWeâve noticed large sums of money coming in and going out of your account constantly, and we gotta get this straight. Come in tomorrow and weâll have a chat about this.â The old man thinks for a while and then decides he better get his lawyer to come with him.
The next day the old man and his lawyer show up to the IRS office, and the man there says, âSo weâve noticed these large sums of money entering and leaving your account nonstop. Can you explain this?â The man replies, âWell, I will bet on pretty much anything. Like this! I bet you 10,000 I can bite my own eye.â The agent takes the bet, and the man takes out his glass eye and bites it. He then says, âWait. Iâll give you a chance to earn your money back, and more! I bet you 20,000 I can bite my other eye.â The agent thinks a minute and realizing the man isnât blind, takes the bet. The old man takes out his false teeth and bites his other eye. He then says, âAlright, last chance. I bet you 50,000 I can stand on this side of your office and pee into that wastebasket on the opposite side without getting a drop anywhere in between.â The agent thinks real hard but decides itâs impossible, so takes the bet. The man unzips his pants and pees all over the IRS agentâs desk. The agent jumps up and down and says, âHaha! I got you now!â But the man's lawyer goes pale in the face, sinks his head in his hands, and says, âHe bet me 100,000 on the way over here that he could piss all over your desk and youâd just love it!â
You're so ugly, you have trick-or-treat on the phone!
A lot of things have changed since I got my girlfriend pregnant.
My name, my address, and my phone number.
Alright, so I have a few orphan jokes. I'm gonna put them all in one message.
Why can't orphans be gay? They have no one to call "daddy."
Why can't orphans go on a field trip? Parent signature: ______
New teacher: I used to be an orphan as a kid. Students: hahaha Teacher: Is anyone missing? Students: No one, just your parents.
Why did the orphan become a prostitute? They kept calling everyone "daddy."
Why do orphans have the iPhoneX? Because it has no home button.
My impression of Michael Jackson's butler:
When answering the phone: "No, sorry, he's dead." *hangs up phone*
Me: "Hey, are your parents home?"
Orphan: "Stop calling here!"
Me in the corner.
A guy starts texting a cute girl and asks her to give him her phone number so he can call her. The girl says, "OK, but you have to transfer mobile balance to my number. Then I am gonna be your girlfriend and will meet you somewhere." He transfers her the balance and calls her, but it turns out the girl was actually a guy making him a fool. He blocked him.
The next day, he was very angry about himself being a fool, so he thought he'd do the same. He makes a fake girl account and starts texting with some random guy, and then he asks that guy to send him balance. Suddenly, his father came into his bedroom and asked, "Son, can you send me some balance? I am gonna send you cash after sometime." That guy looks at his father with suspicious eyes, and then he calls that random number. Suddenly his father's phone starts ringing......
What's one thing you'll never find in lost and found?
Your dad.
Why were ET's eyes so big?
Because he saw the phone bill.
Your mum sat on a phone, and she turned it into a pancake.
Me: Dad, my phone is broken.
Dad: How?
Me: I clicked the home button, but I'm still at school.
Dad: Stupid.
What is an orphan's first phone?
An iPhone 12. Wanna know why?
It has no home button :D
1. If being ugly was a crime, you would have a life sentence.
2. My phone battery lasts longer than your friendships.
3. There is a tree out there giving you oxygen, and you owe that tree an apology.
4. I donât hate you, but I gotta unplug your life support to charge my phone.
5. When I saw your dad on the sidewalk, I didnât laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.
6. If I had powers, I would make you the dumbest person alive, but it seems life already beat me to the punch.
7. If karma ever comes to punch ya in the face, I wanna be there to help it.
8. If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, Iâd be broke.
9. You are more disappointing than a cake without frosting.
10. Were you born on a highway, 'cause thatâs where most accidents happen?
11. Wow, that hurts, now I know how it felt when your mom said that to ya.
12. You're the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo, and you may as well be the reason why the middle finger was invented.